STU BYKOFSKY, THE PHILADELPHIA
DAILY NEWS. "I have to deal with too many assholes. Like
yourself, for instance. Every freakin' goofball in Philly calls ME to
ask what's Patti LaBelle's shoe size and what drugs did Pink take in high
school and does Will Smith have a tattoo near his rectum?"
BASTONE, THE SMOKING GUN. "When it comes to covering the entertainment
industry, I'd say most of those journalists couldn't report their way
out of a paper bag. Too much finagling with publicists, talent managers
and other members of the industry's permanent government over who's going
to grant an interview/appear on a cover."
MUSTO, THE VILLAGE VOICE. "Greg Louganis doesn't pop his gay cork for
just anyone that swivels along (and kindly note my discretion in not using
that ridiculous nickname, Greg Loose-anus). Steve [Kmetko] is tantalizingly
hot and for many years put the EEEEAT ME! back in E!"
SPIEGELMAN, PAGE SIX. "[Dave] Eggers might very well have a larger
package than I but he'd probably riff in a woman's ear about Duran Duran
while he was mildly pumping away, and if that's your thing we shouldn't
be together anyway. Wait, that's not right. He wouldn't utter a sound
in bed, not one word. It would be cold clinical silence -- you could hear
molecules colliding, icecaps melting. He'd hold his breath."
SPIERS, GAWKER. "Blogging took off in a way that plain vanilla
personal websites never did because it's fairly standardized and short
form and the social conventions encourage some sort of interactivity with
other sites. I'm sorry. I really have to stop now before I bore myself
into a complete stupor. I hate talking blogs. Most people that read it
don't even realize Gawker is a blog. Do *you* really care what a blog
is? No, I didn't think so."
PEARSON, VICE MAGAZINE. "When you commit a horrible act, there are two
things to deal with. The initial hell of committing the act, and then
the emotional scars of remembering it. With [fucking the] dead baby, all
you have after the act is the emotional scars. With [smashing your] ball
[with a hammer] you have: The same hell during the act; the emotional
scars of remembering said act AND you only have one ball. So I'd rather
do the baby. It is literally half as bad as doing the ball thing."