HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT LOCAL SPORTS FRANCHISE?
YOU CAN'T LOOK DOWN BUT YOU'RE NO WORSE, SINGING MORE OF A LIFETIME.
WE'RE NEVER GOING BACK TO WORK AGAIN.
THIS YEAR WE'RE MAKING THE GIFTS.
WE'RE IN A VERY DARK PLACE, EATING POPCORN.
DECEMBER MAKES YOU GO BATSHIT CRAZY.
NOW, WAIT. WHERE DO MY BALLS GO AGAIN?
THIS JUST IN -- LIFE HAS MEANING.
STARING AT THE BASEBALL PLAYOFF SUN.
ATTACK OF THE KILLER CORN TREES.
WHEN THEY CAME FOR THE WALLETS, I WAS NOT A WALLET...
WHICH KIND OF MESS IS REALLY THE BEST?
YOU CAN ALWAYS WATCH IT NEXT WEEK.
STILL A BARGAIN AT THREE BUCKS A GALLON!
THE BIG RED SOUTH PARK MACHINE.
BOY, THAT ENTOURAGE IS QUITE A SHOW.
WEEE! IT'S TIME FOR THE BIG FUN CANOE TRIP.
TAKE EVERY LITTLE PIECE OF OUR HEART NOW, BABY...
IT'S RATHER WARM OUTSIDE AND WE'RE MOIST.
SEE ALL Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS IN TWO WEEKS.
SHOW SOME HUSTLE, YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!
EH, FUCK IT. YOU'RE FUCKING STUCK WITH US.
DAMN YOU, GAMBLOR. DAMN YOU TO HELL.
FIRST PAT O'BRIEN, NOW PAULA ABDUL...
TRIPPING THE BLUE LIGHT FANTASTIC.
NOW WE'RE TOTALLY OLD AND BORING.
SMACK IT, FLIP IT, RUB IT DOWN ... OH NO!
WE'RE JUST A BUNCH OF FUCKING MARTYRS.
WE'LL MISS YOU MISTER NICE POPE GUY DUDE.
WHAT DID THE CARROT SAY TO TERRI SCHIAVO?
KIRSTIE ALLEY IS SO FAT, SHE'S EVERYWHERE.
WEREN'T THOSE YAWN OSCARS SOMETHING YAWN?
HOORAY FOR DAYTIME TELEVISION!
HEH, YEAH, MAN. WE SO TOTALLY HAVE AN RSS FEED.
GOODBYE FOOTBALL, HELLO DICKIE BETTS!
FIRST AND TEN REVIEWS TO TACKLE.
OSCAR! DON'T OVERLOOK THESE FINE, FINE FILMS.
OLD LADY GIVES BIRTH TO 6 LB. CHEESEBURGER!
WE'RE A LONER, DOTTIE. A REBEL.
GOODBYE 2004 ... HELLO, LIQUOR CABINET.
OKAY! EVERYONE INTO THE CAR POOL LANE!
THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND, TRAVEL 'ROUND THE WORLD...
MOP, MOP... PUFF, PUFF... SIGH.
ONLY 45 STRESS-FREE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
REJOICE, IT'S FINALLY FUCKING HERE.
T-MINUS ONE WEEK AND COUNTING... AND COUNTING... AND...
THE BLACK BOX TOLD US TO SAY THAT.
BEST WEEK EVER? CRAP, THAT'S TAKEN ALREADY.
WHO WILL BE PREZ WHEN DREW TURNS 30?
SUMMER'S DEAD. LONG LIVE SUMMER.
BRINGING THE LOVE SINCE, WELL, THIS WEEK.
LET'S GET BACK TO BUSINESS, SHALL WE?
CHAOS! MAYHEM! HUGS IN THE STREETS!
FOR FUCK'S SAKE, COULD YOU WALK ANY SLOWER?!
WE'RE IN A FEDORA ... AND NOTHING ELSE.
UH, RAH, RAH, GO TEAM, YAY OLYMPICS?
WE'RE WATCHING SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
THE PARTY'S OVER, TIME TO COUNT THE BODIES.
WE'RE HALFWAY THERE, WHOA OH, LIVING ON A...
WE'RE YOUR DANCING MONKEY LOVE FRIEND.
GERALD FORD IS, LIKE, WICKED OLD, MAN.
GRANDPA CALLED US NAMES. ACT NOW!
SHOULD WE START MAKING SUMMER PLANS?
THREE BEERS, TWO MARTINIS, ONE SHOT...
POLTICIAL DISCOURSE... IT'S FAN-TASTIC!
ASTROGLIDING TOWARDS INFINITY.
THE SPRING TRAINING WHEELS COME OFF.
MARTHA STEWART'S PRISON PANTYLINERS.
NOW SERVING REFILLS OF HATE-O-RADE.
RALPH RUNS AND PEOPLE BEAT THEIR SHIT AT WORK.
THE EVER LOVING KINDNESS OF STRANGERS.
THE SUPER-BOOB HALFTIME PROCRASTINATION SPECTCULAR.
YOUR TAPES DON'T FIT INTO OUR VCR.
BACK IN BLACK WITH 76.5% MORE CRAP.
UNDERPANTS, CHECK. DVD REMOTE, CHECK.
THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT CAME EARLY.
SLOSHING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND.
HURRY, HURRY, HURRY! STEP RIGHT UP!
THINGS GET DOUBLE PLUS UNGOOD.
I BREAK FOR IRONY, THEN I BACK UP AND RUN IT OVER UNTIL IT'S DEAD.
INTRODUCING PUSH-TO-SUBMIT TECHNOLOGY.
MORE TO LIFE THAN FOOTBALL? THAT'S UNPOSSIBLE.
THE FIRST LABOR AFTER LABOR DAY WEEKEND.
YOU TAKE THE GOOD AND TAKE THE BAD.
I FEEL PRETTY. AT LEAST I WANT TO.
A RANDOM REVIEW OF EVERYTHING, IN GRADE FORM.
