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| THE BLACK LIST: OSCAR! DON'T OVERLOOK THESE FINE, FINE FILMS. | |||||||||
| By The Black Table | |||||||||
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Unless you're up really early this morning, by the time you read this, the Oscar nominations have just been released. The early favorites are Sideways, The Aviator and Million Dollar Baby, with upset potential for Ray and Finding Neverland. And even though the BT's resident film dorks weigh in today with their top 10 films of 2004, we at the BT think there were other overlooked films by the Academy. Our five most-overlooked:
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The Black Table needs your help! Every week, we need reviews of the latest media-related crud, new products from Capitalists and odd idea, concept or trend. All you need to have is a sharp opinion that you can distill down to one paragraph of 150 words and give a letter grade. To submit, please fill out the form below. Entries may edited for length, style and clarity. Hit us with your best shot. Fire away.
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So let's not forget these when you're all busy clapping for Jamie Foxx. We have 10 pretty Black List reviews this week, but that's … not … enough. Use the form on the right to tell us what's up. -- BT JOHNNY CARSON: It's hard to imagine that some polite Midwesterner with silver hair -- a man who looks like he'd blush at the first sign of a curse word, a guy whose sidekick is best known for handing out oversized checks to oversized people -- could be a comedic genius. Too young to have seen Carson in his heyday, I used to think Carson was some technicolor Ed Sullivan clone, a bland bowl of oatmeal who was incredibly popular because he fit into bedtime routines, occasionally veered into "amusing" and there was nothing else on the TV at the time. It's hard to imagine, but Carson truly was one of the funniest men alive, able to get uptight celebrities to make fun of themselves, able to take a tired dog-and-pony show and make it so much more, able to make Ed McMahon charismatic. I discovered this while sitting in an ER waiting room, hoping my mother could beat the lung cancer that eventually killed her. Old Carson shows were playing on an endless loop. And as other devastated families wandered in, shellshocked from life's latest wicked turn, we huddled around the TV and learned it was okay to laugh out loud, at least until the phone rang on the wall. A -- Eric Gillin THE MTA AND THE DEATH OF THE C TRAIN: As if the promised fare increases, service cuts and secret raises to incompetent executives weren't enough, the universally loathed Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA) has found yet another way to screw over New York City commuters. The same eagle-eyed "workers" who refuse to open service exit gates for the elderly or people with strollers somehow let a homeless man with a shopping cart full of wood meander onto the tracks at one of our downtown Manhattan stations (Chambers Street to be exact, that serves the World Trade Center/Ground Zero). The crazy bum's payload somehow caught fire and caused more of the mysterious "signal problems" that have plagued the A, C and E lines for years. Now the MTA is saying that the C train may be suspended for up to five years, making the morning commute for thousands even more of a living hell. Thanks again for nothing, MTA. F -- Matthew Sheahan DRINKING ALONE DURING A BLIZZARD: When the acting governor says the troopers will haul you to the clink if you use the roads -- thus cutting off your contact with friends, bars and the rest of the outside world -- it's his way of saying "drink up." If you've amassed a modest home bar, or even have an old plastic bottle of Popov laying around, it's time to put it to good use. Here are some suggestions:
THE NEW BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: Whispers at the office. Breathless emails to trusted high school friends. All signs point (discreetly) to one conclusion: The new Battlestar Galactica TV series is an underground sensation. Just don't say "Cylon" too loudly, or you might be risking a swirly. Sure, this is a darker, more "adult" Galactica, complete with sexy Cylons and a commander who almost makes you believe those are emotional -- rather than acne -- scars. But the show still feels like a guilty pleasure. You just can't pretend all the shiny chrome, overacting and hokey sentimentality never happened. There could still be a cute robot dog in this Galactica's future. And when it gets all frisky and Frackin' saves the day, you'll be glad you whispered. A -- Brian Halligan BUYING OLD GUM: As a smoker, working hard to make my breath not smell like an ashtray is the least I can do for my fellow man. I prefer the kind of gum that hurts a little, the kinds with a medicinal tinge. Dentyne Ice usually does the trick, as does Trident Whitening whatever. Orbitz is tasty and has excellent package design. A trip to a sorry-ass deli recently brought my uppity gum preferences back to normal. This place didn't even have shitty old Trident. The best I could do to save my sordid breath was Clorets. Clorets. The kind of gum your grandma gave you that you didn't like. The kind of gum that's comes in a box with the little pieces all naked and jumbed together. No blister pack. No individual wrappers. Just a little green box of Clorets gum, touting the breath-freshening power of Actizol. There's no way of knowing just how old this gum is. It's not dusty, which is more than I can say for the candy collection at my local bodega. But man, Clorets? You've got to update that inventory, pal. Gums have come a long way since 1986. D -- Aileen Gallagher CABLE TV ADDICTIVENESS: The reason I don't have cable is same as the reason I don't do drugs: I'm afraid I'll get addicted. I rarely watch TV, but this weekend, finding myself snowed in while visiting Cambridge, I couldn't stop watching I Love The 90's and Best Week Ever. That then devolved into staring ga-ga-eyed at Elizabeth Berkley movies on Lifetime, Senate hearings I'd just seen spoofed on SNL and cooking shows, even though I only use the microwave. Then I reached that lowest of low points, that random late night channel-surfing there-must-be-something-on madness, as if continued perusal will yield something I cannot live without seeing. Since I normally only have a few channels available to me, it's shocking and frustrating when I can't find anything of interest in all the seemingly endless options. Having cable available to me means that I can't just sit down at the computer orcurl up with a book; I need to see what I might be missing while I'm online or reading. And that's fine, when you're staying somewhere where every store, including Kinko's and Peet's Coffee, is shut down, but not what I'd want to find myself doing every night. C -- Rachel Kramer Bussel ASIANS AND MANISCHEWITZ: So Right. The Jews and the Asians are closing in on each other's stereotypes. For example, in the areas of cultural assimilation, we already adore retail shopping while stressing academics excellence. A Christmas day for Jews isn't complete without Asian cooking, and a visit to my parents' isn't authentic until they pull out the kosher wine. I was confused at first, but not after consulting my friend Alex, who regifted a bottle of Manischewitz to his parents; they haven't stop thanking him since. It is a truly marvelous thing that a tacky sweet wine can bring Jews and Asians together, mazel tov and gong shee fa tsai. One step closer to becoming Jewish: A+ -- Ceda Xiong AIRBUS A380: Only a few years ago, we were all witness to the end of a great era: the retiring of the Concordes. I was never lucky enough to travel on one, but the thought of crossing the Atlantic in only three hours intrigued me. I was sad to see it go and questioned why no one ever thought to develop a replacement. So this week, Airbus unveils its new super-jumbo A380 Aircraft. Great… we now have another large slow bus in the sky. Come on Europe, you impressed us with the Concorde; now you unveil this slow monstrosity. We can land a camera on Saturn's moon, but I can't get to Europe any quicker. Hello, its 2005, and we are moving slower than we did in 1979. Is Mach 2 lost forever? For the lack of thought, engineering, and just plain stupidity of Airbus ... F -- Jeremy TIP JARS IN CHINESE RESTAURANTS: I started seeing tip jars in local delis a few years ago, and I figured that was OK; after all, a rich dude buying his morning paper and coffee might want to toss an extra quarter to the $4.25-an-hour cashier or counter boy. But more recently I saw a tip cup in a local Chinese take-out place. It's a small outfit, and the employees are all part of the same family. So if I leave them extra money, aren't I basically donating to the family that owns the place? And isn't this the same thing as voluntarily paying more for my food? If the owners of the place need more money for the food, they should CHARGE MORE MONEY FOR THE FOOD. If they want their kids to earn more money for working there, they should PAY THEIR KIDS MORE MONEY FOR WORKING THERE. Or at least hike their allowance. They ain't getting another penny from me, especially with the dough I saved them by not wanting MSG. C+ -- Caren Lissner JESUS: Now, while I've grown up a heathen infidel (read: Jew) in a heathenish moral vacuum completely remiss of all things pious (read: the suburbs), I've never understood what so many people like about this guy. I mean, sure, it was cool how he destroyed the Death Star and sailed with the Argonauts in that Odyssey thing, but what is the big deal about him dying? You people act like he did you a favor, when all he did was ensure that you'd feel guilty for the rest of your lives. It's like Garden State, where Jesus is that mom who was in a wheelchair, and your Dad (the pope and all of his butt-pirating minions) has been telling you that you need to feel guilty all of your lives for something you did when you were little. It wasn't your fault Adam ate that apple pie -- apple pie is delicious and should be enjoyed by everyone -- and you didn't ask Jesus to die for you. You need to follow in the footsteps of Zach Braff and totally get off drugs (church) and tell your dad (priests) to fuck off, and then realize you love your girlfriend Natalie Portman, because even though she's annoying and doesn't fit into my religion metaphor, she has a good heart. I give Jesus an F+, and the only reason he gets a plus is because he was rocking the skinny/emaciated long hair look way before it was cool. -- Steven Michael Zacks
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