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  WEEK IN CRAIG: THE STARBUCKS INCIDENT.  
   
   
 

The hot topic on Missed Connections this week was girls who want boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls who do girls like they're boys. And no, you crazy kids, we weren't reminiscing about how much we all liked Blur back in 1994. This week's Missed Connections was all about Who's-Humping-Who-Behind-Whose-Back, and, more important, If-Starbucks-Makes-You-Want-to-Blow-Other-Guys-Does-That-Mean-You're-Gay?

It all started with this relatively innocuous post:

"Starbucks: 2nd Ave. & 9th, yesterday 6:30ish.

You: Curly Blonde hair, tall & muscular in a soccer uniform.

Me: guy with girlfriend standing behind you.

Your friends pulled your shorts down while you were standing in line.
You had the BIGGEST most beautiful dick I've ever seen.
I want you in my mouth."

Now, pull my hair, spank me and call me a slut … but I really didn't get what all the fuss was about. I'm not denying that there is something inherently fantastic about naked soccer players in Starbucks, but was this post really worthy of the 60-plus responses that it garnered? Is it really ALL that shocking? And, come on, it's a joke, no?

No matter. The craigslisters went crazy over it, much to the delight of all of us out here desperate for distraction.

On the subject, The Craigslist Jury was represented by:

  • Angry Chicks Against Bi-Guys
  • Freaky-Deaky Chicks and The Men They Love
  • The Hippies Against Labels
  • Those Pointing The Gay Finger (a.k.a., "You want to suck dick in Starbucks? Ok, you're gay.").

It was the Angry Chicks that scared me the most, I think. This poster suggests that a new thread should be started for "Straight sisters united against boyfriends who want to fuck or be fucked by boys too" after ranting that she is "calling for an all out war" and that "This crap about being on top of a boys ass and it being ok is bullshit."

Yikes.

And then there is this worried little lamb chop:

"I guess my dreams
of a cute blond haired
blue eyed
sweet
loving
devoted straight guy
that I can spoil constantly
will only be part of my dreams."

On the other side of the fence were the gals who wouldn't mind sitting back and looking on with a Toffee Nut Latte while their boyfriend shtoops the local soccer squad.

"I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend wanted to hook up with another dude for some casual hanky panky, as long as he was honest with me about it and let me watch."

TOTALLY.

The anti-labelers were correct, sensible and boring as usual.

Far more entertaining in an oh-so-wrong way were the self-aggrandizing label-mongers:

"Not for nothing, but if you see a cock and want to suck it. Hey bud, that's gay."

Last but not least, the omnipresent gaggle of posters who are just hoping to get some booty but don't really have anything else to say.

"Now to they guys. I'm a very str8 acting guy and pretty hot. I'll wear soccer shorts if ya need me to. Give me a buzz and lets have some fun."

Any takers?

And now, ladies and gentlemen, to wrap the whole thing up, my favorite Post-of-the-Week.

"I was just thinking that the time-honored guy tradition of yanking down your buddy's drawers in public (Please do not infer the obvious gay references) is alive and well.

I'm sure that dude's friend never imagined the uproar that would ensue from the gag. All these "I'm not gay, I just like to have sex with other men from time to time" guys are going bezerk.

I love Craig's List."

As do I, my friend. As do I.


*BT*

Amy Blair is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.