I hate to say it, but this week's Missed Connections let me down.

Just about every other post hit on one of three topics:

• The ratio of lesbians to baby carriages in Park Slope. (At least we weren't arguing about Williamsburg hipsters, for once.)
• Whether Yalies have sex in the student union. (Hey, umm, who fucking cares? And if you do, this might wet yer whistle.)
• Does bigger equal better when it comes to the ol' purple-headed womb broom? (No comment)
• The Great Park Slope Debate, again.

THE NOT SO GREAT REALLY PARK SLOPE DEBATE.

Here's the gist of the argument:

GET OVER IT!

Park Slope is a lesbian neighborhood! If that doesn't work for you, you shouldn't have moved in. If you're not a friend of Dorothy, you wouldn't move to Chelsea would you?

And, shockingly enough:

Park Slope is NOT a lesbian neighborhood

You wish you had a neighborhood to call your own. Park Slope is the land of families and dogs, with a few lesbians and gay guys thrown in, but not that much more than any other neighborhood.

And us 20-something yuppie professionals are taking over, so enjoy what little you have while it lasts.

Blah, blah, blah. Seriously. I'm not kidding. That's pretty much the entire argument. It IS a lesbian neighborhood. It IS NOT a lesbian neighborhood.

Hey -- guess what, folks -- this topic sucked. Let it go.

NEXT UP: Are Ivy League Grads **gasp** boring?

Ok. So first someone dissed the Ivy Leaguers:

This is so typical of NY girls...so damn materialistic. For a rich & BORING guy, go w/ the Ivy League....But for a real man - you gotta go S.U.N.Y.

In the torrent of responses that followed, the comment about the NY girls was for the most part ignored. However, the Ivy League kids went freaking crazy, shooting back, in a nutshell, that they were INDEED fun, and not the boring nerds that we all thought they were.

There's no doubt you can travel to any Ivy League campus in the country and find boring individuals who know nothing about living or having fun, but that's true for everywhere and to make a comment that is so prejudicial only admits to your own stupidity.

Some of the most fun people I have ever encountered are Ivy league grads, like myself.

Basically, what we learned from this argument is that geeks have sex, too. They even have sex in the library! But, let's be realistic-if you're looking for a real man, go trolling at the state schools.

In other news, the average craigslist reader is no longer in college.

Penises.

The argument went something like this.

Big penises good.

have to agree with the other ladies here - (and trust me I am a woman, not a guy pretending to be one)

Size and girth makes a difference.

Big penises not so good.

my issue with small men is this: they are simply unable to give me the cervix pounding that i like, no matter how hard they bang.

And this, friends, illustrates why I just couldn't read these posts anymore. Cervix pounding? That's just plain nasty.

And then these:

…I don't want to end up with a breeze blowing through my flapping stretched out crotch…

…leaves my insides feeling bruised the next day…

…not every chick wants an 11 inch cock shredding her insides to ribbons…

Jesus, people. That's just plain disgusting.

A Desperate Cry For Help.

Last but not least, what frankly saddened me the most this week was there weren't more posts generated from this one about Matt Dillon:

I know its not in my mind. He was on the stoop with some guy-looked like a realtor. I am also in the business-not the acting business but the real estate business. If you are looking for some property Matt, write me an email- I'll get you a great building at 9-10x rent roll...lol

I know that it's not hip to like Matt Dillon. But, what can I say -- me likey the Dillon. I was hooked from the first time I saw The Outsiders and I heard him utter "Do it for Johnny man.. Do it for Johnny!"

Plus, I've heard that he's slutty and hangs out in New York.

For future reference, I'd appreciate it if you would all quit yammering on about Park Slope lesbians and Harvard Parties. Please stick to more inspired topics such as where a generally inebriated and unabashedly star-struck lady such as myself might find Mr. Dillon on an average Saturday night. For God's sake, make yourselves useful.

Want More?

WEEK IN CRAIG: THE GREAT MESH CAP DEBATE.

WEEK IN CRAIG: GET OUT THERE, AND GET HUMPIN'.

WEEK IN CRAIG: THE STARBUCKS INCIDENT.

WEEK IN CRAIG: THE QUESTION OF THAT THONG-THI-THONG-THONG, THONG.

*BT*

Amy Blair is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.