back to the Black Table

Well, it's official. They've changed Missed Connections.

The newly instated forums, along with stricter enforcement of the posting policies, have rendered most discussion on the Missed Connections board completely non-existent. Being the empty-headed follower that I am, I am shamelessly admitting my "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" attitude to the masses. I mean, I can get used to plain old Missed Connections just as much as the next guy. And so can you.

OK, fine. That's a big fucking lie.

I thought that I would like the new Missed Connections. Really, I thought that this was what I wanted. But now that all of the retardo ill-advised ramblings are taken down … well, I'm more lonely and sad than ever. The forums just don't do it for me the way the Missed Connections board does. First they took away smoking in bars. Now nobody is talking about thongs or big penises or bad fashion choices on Missed Connections.

Seriously, Missed Connections is fun because it takes up so much time that would otherwise be wasted on work. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Read actual missed connections? Worse yet -- work? Come on!

I don't care what I said before. I take everything back. I am officially protesting. Which, when it comes down to it, means that I'm spending more time reading the personal ads on Craigslist, and less time reading Missed Connections. They're still funny. So there.

I've made an observation or two that I would like to share.

Women Seeking Men

I saw a little girl the other day with a t-shirt on that said "girls rule, boys drool." More true words hath never been spoken. Seriously, this section is far and away so much more normal and serious and not-scary than its counterpart, Men Seeking Women. It therefore bores the crap out of me, and I barely read it.

Although I did like this post:

Dare to enter my den of passion....

Shall I allow you to please me? Tell me why. Clever, unusual and eager man wanted for once-in-a-lifetime-experience with beautiful, insatiable lioness. (Actually, maybe we can do it more than once....) Help me forget my recent heartbreak. Not looking for "no strings"-- just not the usual strings.


Is it just me, or on the whole, wouldn't straight chicks, as a group, be so much less boring if they all referred to themselves as "insatiable lionesses?" Roar.

Women Seeking Women

As far as repressed peoples go, lesbians have it made in the shade. Misunderstood? Yes. Objectified? Yes. Worshipped and sought after by otherwise boring, closed-minded pricks? Yes. And therefore lesbians win.

Unfortunately, their Craigslist personal ads are just as boring as the straight chicks. Come on, lesbians, you can do better!

One highlight amidst the rubble:



I'm sorry. It's just so dumb, it made me laugh.

Men Seeking Women

There are 7,612 ads posted in this section. There are currently 1,902 ads in the Women Seeking Men section. I think that tells you something. But, I do have to hand it to the straight boys…I could waste the most time in this section; these are by far the funniest personal ads. I mean that in the most sincere sense possible. No really, I do.

The big winner for this week:

giving away $50 and ladies interested?

If you girls can guess who i think is the best looking movie actress is

Umm, let me see. I think I can guess who he thinks is the best looking movie actress is. Julianne Moore? Nicole Kidman? This game is fun. No really. Is it Halle Berry? This is so much fun, I could play it all day. To all the other contestants-step off. The $50 will be mine.

Men Seeking Men

Is it just me, or is it weird that this is the only section with a warning and disclaimer before you enter? You see what I'm saying about lesbians having it made? They don't even have to swear that they're 18 in order to post a personal ad. Lucky ducky lesbians.

The m4m posts are pretty raunchy. But the one that shocked me the most was this one:

hey taxi driver! Need some relief

Want to do my duty for all those hard-working guys behind the wheel...Expect cocksucker, fit bottom looking to provide relief in between shifts or between fares. Discretion assured. Serious only. Stats=stats. Pic = pic

You know, after all of these years in New York, I thought that I had heard it all. I thought I'd thought of everything. I thought I was pretty hard to catch off-guard. I was wrong. Not ONCE have I ever thought about doing my duty for a cab driver. Can you believe that? It's kind of hot, I have to admit.

Leave it to the gay guys to think of something new.

Anyway, I have but one wish in life right now. Please make Missed Connections funny again. Not annoying like it was a few weeks ago. But not boring like it is right now. Let's face it, the forums just aren't the same.

Now, imagine that really hot guy from Y Tu Mama Tambien as a cab driver. Taxi!



Amy Blair is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.