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What is it that makes bartenders so damn fine?

Oh, right -- they supply us with alcohol. That and the fact that, without a doubt, every time we see them, we've got on big, fat, shiny beer goggles. What other profession can you say that about? Are you drunk every time you see your doctor? Your mechanic? Your subway conductor? Ok, so maybe you are. But still-bartenders are ALWAYS h-o-t. And, well, drunk or not drunk, that just doesn't hold true for doctors, mechanics, or subway conductors. Plus, most importantly, they're more often than not totally and completely disinterested in the hordes of drunk people who hit on them all the time.

Yup, that's the key. Total and complete disinterest. Damn that's hot.

Anyway, I've had my share of bartender-crushes on various lovelies throughout this city. And, let me tell you, it totally sucks-boozing it up at the same damn place, weekend after weekend, just hoping that someday they'll offer you more than a gin and tonic and a couple of hopeful flirtations. There was that hot Irish bartender at Rivertown Lounge…the asshole bartender at Blue and Gold who was always (sigh) nice to me…that hottie at Solas who used to inspire me to drool on myself…

Oh, bartenders, I've loved you one and all…

In tribute to those booze-wielding saints throughout this city, I present the craigslist rundown of New York bartender hotties…

dear ace bar bartender

the batender with the black and red tattoo around her forearm.

i love you. i am sure others boy hit on you and say its love. but this, this is love. i will make you dinner, clean your house, buy you cookies, and even dance for you. now that miss, is love.

if you want to marry me please get in touch. i have a puppy so i hope you are ok with dogs

Tattoo around her forearm? Hands out alcohol? I'd marry her, too.

bartender CBGB - m4w - 35

Tall, beautiful, platinum-blonde. Anchor tattoo. And foliage. Body of a goddess, smile like an angel. You were having "issues". Where did you come from? And where did you go?

Body of a goddess, smile like an angel-and, again, HANDS OUT ALCOHOL. God, I love bartenders.

Bartender in Tribeca - w4m

Okay so, call me crazy for doing this...and yes, I've given in to the "missed connections" personals ad! Has it really come to this? But...we only live once (or do we?) goes...

You are a bartender downtown, Tribeca to be exact...I won't put the name of the bar bc then you will be hounded by a gazillion women! But it's a popular, trendy place...hint hint...and if you know pig latin.....Ibecatray Andgray...then there it is! A little mystery never hurt anyone, right?

You are tall, probably around 6'2" (?) thin, great build, blond hair...and your eyes...I don't know what color your eyes are because, you see... I was suffering from that phenomena that rarely occurs for know...the tunnel vision, loss of breath, everything else stops for that moment, hit me in the solar plexus feeling...You are incredibly sexy, a little bit shy, maybe?.....which is a huge turn-on. I've seen you before (?) and want to know you, talk with you, learn about you. You smiled at me (this is going back a while I crazy? maybe..but so rare that someone makes such an impression on me) and I was so dumbstruck, I looked away...unlike me, but something about you makes me so nervous...and I like it....a good nervous ...though, actually speaking to someone might be a prerequisite to getting to know someone, no? :) Email me if you think this might be you.

Sorry, honey, I'm blowing his cover. It just so happens that I speak pig latin fluently, and this little piece of work is over at the Tribeca Grand. Run, ladies, run, before his othay odbay gets snapped up!

And for the hottie boy-on-boy-bartender, apparently, try the Stonewall.

Bartender from Stonewall - m4m

i don't know your name. we met on FI. you have a shaved head and a tough guy attitude. you said you were a bartender at stonewall. there was something btw us or maybe not. i thought so. email me.

if anyone knows him let him know i'm looking for him. thanks

So, kids, if you're looking for some eye candy to stalk on the weekends, head over to your favorite watering hole, plop down on the first available barstool and enjoy the view. Of course I can't guarantee any booty, but you'll never know until you get out there and blow your entire paycheck trying to find out. Now go and work that boozed up magic on your bartender of choice. And don't forget to tell them blacktable sent you.

Oh, and, most importantly, please remember to tip your server.


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Amy Blair is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.