|WEEK IN CRAIG: WHEN GOOD POSTS GO BAD.|
|By Amy Blair||
Some of us read Missed Connections because we're bored and it's fun to click on all the pretty buttons that make us laugh. You look at 11 a.m., and there are 25 posts that you haven't yet seen. Yippee! You look again at 5 p.m., and, hot dog, there are 37 more! A surprise behind every single one! Yeeha!
I'm pretty convinced that that's why most people read Missed Connections simply because they're always there.
However, there are also those people out there who are reading Missed Connections in search of the holy grail of ego-masturbation: seeing a post about themselves on the board.
And then there are those romantic souls, riding the trains, wandering the streets, posting about every pretty face they see.
When it comes to real, legitimate Missed Connections, sometimes they can be a total bore. However, I hate to admit this, but despite my hard-heartedness, on occasion Missed Connections can be downright sweet. Especially if I'm in a cheesy, sentimental, highly hormonal kind of mood.
But of course, sometimes, even good Missed Connections go wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. A post starts off all nice and sweet and cutesy-wutesy, and then, BAM!, it turns scary, scary, scary. Like this:
I see you every day...your gorgeous blonde hair, amazing blue eyes, and sexy smile. You are without a doubt the funniest, cutest, most playful, intelligent, and adorable girl I have ever met. I want to tell you how I feel, but I can't speak; however, soon I will. I am mezmerized by every little word you say. Every move you make. I flirt with you all the time, but I imagine it is difficult for you to notice because EVERYONE flirts with you. You are magnetic. Charming. Beautiful. I will stop at nothing to make you mine. I hope you are reading this.
Ok, man. Here's a piece of advice. If you want to get with a girl, don't ever, ever, EVER say "I will stop at nothing to make you mine." Karla, honey, if you're out there, be watchful of your pets. We've all seen Fatal Attraction.
you hopped on the e to the l this wednesday nite. sometime around 10:42:31pm.
sat across from you all the way to lorimer. just wanted you to glance at me once so i could tell you you have a great sense of color. you're girl tall, long dark hair. parted to the side.
your eyes were impossible. such beauty and yet such avoidance from everything around you, down and out. i felt like i was a twobit extra in some goddamn movie.
anyway, i saw some of my own bad days that your bad day's eyes were
fet like pulling you into my arms. ehh, that sounds kinda crazy. how about, next time you see me, just a smile will do the trick.
Yowza. This could have been a perfectly nice post. But it starts to go wrong somewhere around "you're girl tall, long dark hair." Then it gets really creepy around "anyway, i saw some of my own bad days that your bad day's eyes were in." By the time it gets to "fet like pulling you into my arms," this post has completely pooped its pants. Run away, girl in the stripes, run away!
You were sitting next to me on the 3rd floor of Butler Libary at Columbia University, and you sneezed, and I said bless you. You were on a cnet terminal surfing the web, it looked like Craig's list, but I was too busy reading Chemistry notes to tell. You were wearing a gorgeous black viscose dress and the cutest designer sandals I've seen in a while. You smiled once at something you were reading, and I knew I had to get to know you. I didn't get a chance to talk to you, to find out your name and ask you to dinner.
Write me, Can we start over?
This is just creepy because he recognizes viscose when he sees it. Yikes. You just don't admit that kind of shit.
Anyway, for the grand illustration of Good Posts Gone Bad, I point your attention to this one:
To the tall, slim woman with the long hair who works at national lampoon in midtown - I have an unrequited crush on you. You are so elegant, sexy, edible... Just thought you should know...
Jesus fucking Jeffrey Dahmer. Edible? Grody.
Amy Blair is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.