Ah, the day after Thanksgiving… more American in tradition than the Fourth of July. It's the grand salami of shopping days, where all good patriots max out their credit cards, brave psychotically huge mall crowds, and endure disco renditions of Christmas classics, all in a turkey-induced coma.
Personally, I'm mildly agoraphobic, detest turkeys (both as birds and as meat products), and have a tendency to buy people Christmas presents that can be found in liquor stores, thus eliminating the necessity to go anywhere near a mall. As a result, the day after Thanksgiving just ain't my thang.
So, in an effort to avoid the day-after-Thanksgiving Christmas buying rampage, this year I have decided to do all of my shopping on craigslist. Seriously. How. Fucking. Convenient.
Craigslist: It's not just the bomb-diggity of casual hook-up websites. Dude -- you can also buy shit.
So, here's a holiday shopping guide to help you avoid the crowds, find some great deals, and most importantly FUCK CONSUMERISM. Stick it to the man this holiday season and shop craig.
Punk rock 4-eva.
For your honey baby this year:
CUSTOM ADULT DVD ** LOOK ** - $20
CUSTOM ADULT DVD
Why settle for just one kind of porn per DVD or VHS tape, when you
can
Buy this custom made DVD with 17 different titles.
ALL TRANSACTIONS PRIVATE AND CONFIDENCIAL!
Price: $20.00 for DVD.
Includes:
Dog does girl 5 times.
Bi-Sexual MMF 1.
Bi-Sexual MMF 2. (Three different people)
Mom, Son and Friend. (Legal)
Dirty Old Man with Young Girl. (Legal)
Busty Mature Woman with Young Boy. (Legal)
Young Girl with Uncle. (Legal)
Couple having sex. (Big natural boobs)
Kay Parker in Hotel. (70's)
Cartoon Threesome MMF. (Double penetration)
Threesome with Piano Teacher MMF.
Plumper Foursome.
Young Couple from Spain.
Cheating Wife with Postman. (Hidden cam)
Hot Spanish Girl and White Boy.
Young Hot Girl Sits on Vibrator and Gets Off. (Legal)
Wife Forces Husband to Do the Babysitter and her. (Legal)
PayPal Verified.
Nothing says "Ho, ho ho!" like a video of a girl getting humped by a dog (5 times!!!) under the tree on Christmas morn! Believe me, your man's gonna LOVE you for this. And, best of all, ALMOST all of these segments are verifiably LEGAL! Includes double penetration, hidden cam, and even big natural boobs! Totally PayPal certified! You can't go wrong with this one.
For Your Fucked-Up Little Brother:
Cd-R Full of Many PC Viruses - $10
This is a cd-r full of many working computer viruses. You can e-mail some to people that send you annoying e-mails, or people that bother you. Or if you want to do a prank on someone. You can re-name the files to make them look attractive so someone will open them.
Hot damn, you can re-name the files to make them look attractive so someone will open them! That's genius! For the trench-coated little brother who has everything… only $10? This is a steal.
For The Person In Your Life Living In A Tiny Enclosed Cave:
Paris Hilton Sex Tape!!! - $10
this is the real thing on m-peg. it is about 2:56 in length. sound and everything. can only be played on computer. this is rare and hard to find, and may be worth something. this is the real deal guarenteed.
Like the ad says, the Paris Hilton Sex Tape "may be worth something." You know what -- I bet that it totally is worth something! Again -- only $10?! You might even be able to turn around and, like, sell this tape to someone else! Like, say, someone in the media or something! Not only will you be buying the gift of Paris Hilton doing it, but who knows-you might also be making a major investment! This thing could be huge!
For All Of The Rest Of Your Loved Ones:
Do you need any Prescription?
Give me a call...516-932-3900
I'll give you a good price, no dissapointments!
Drugs! Drugs! Drugs! Nothing says luv like illegal prescription narcotics for the holidays. I know what all of my friends are getting this year-a couple of Tylenol 3's, a handful of Percodans, and enough Xanax to make it through December!
Now go out there and start holiday shopping on craigslist. And hurry -- get those copies of that Paris Hilton sex tape before they run out!
Want More?
Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.
*BT*
Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.
