back to the Black Table
  By Amy Blair    

Dear readers, Christmas is but a few days away, and I'm in an unusually kind, gentle, giving sort of mood. In true holiday fashion, I've been decking the halls, trimming the tree, and purchasing Limbo Elmo dolls for my thousands of nieces and nephews. Also I've been drunk for about 14 days straight, and I've watched A Christmas Story about 37 times. In short, I've got Christmas Fever. For that reason, to wrap up the year, I would like to present you horny ladies of craigslist with a little holiday gift, inspired by none other than the legendary Ms. Blanche Devereaux of Golden Girls fame.

I am not being sarcastic here. The Golden Girls was arguably one of the best television shows ever created. For any cave-dwellers out there who have never experienced the magic that is Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia, I shit you not: That show was pure, electrifying, television genius.

And, with all the yuletide festivities under way, 'tis the season to be reminiscing about sitcom Christmas specials of yore. In one of the more memorable episodes of The Golden Girls, the ever-saucy Blanche, inspired by the spirit of the season, presents her undersexed roommates each with a copy of her self-produced beefcake calendar, aptly titled "The Men of Blanche's Boudoir."

So, my dear, sweet, undersexed craigslist friends, I hereby present


to you my Christmas gift... The Men Of Blair's Boudoir. Pictures are sprinkled throughout the column.

(Note: Close runners-up included the hot Japanese guy from The Last Samurai who made Tom Cruise look like an ugly old dog; Ben Kingsley, who is still a Sexy Beast after all these years; Hal Sparks, because he's sexy in a funny way; and Bono, because he's so sexy and um, Irish.

  I'd do him even if he was dressed up like a polar bear. Or something.  


(Please also note: None of these men have actually ever stepped foot in my, ahem, boudoir. But a girl can dream, no?)

Anyway, now, I'm sure, readers, you are grateful for these mind-blowingly fabulous pictures, which are obviously the best thing to grace this column since its inception ... but you're probably by now wondering what any of this has to do with craigslist. To be honest, this has absolutely nothing to do with craigslist; I've just been looking for an excuse to include some pictures of hot men in my column for awhile now, and I thought, what better time than the holidays

  to include a pervy collection of my favorite half-naked celebrities?  


You can thank me later for this Christmas miracle ... but before I go, let's actually take a quick little look into craigslist. As could be expected, there were a couple of office Christmas party hook-up postings inevitably gracing Missed Connections this week. I've been trying to wrap my mind around this phenomenon, but what I fundamentally don't understand is if you know where the person works, having attended the same company holiday party afterall, why the hell do you need craigslist to find the person? It's beyond me.



I need more egg nog.



Last night at the Puck - m4w - 28

We were at the Koehler & Isaacs Christmas party, I danced with you all night. I didn't get your number, I didn't expect you to leave so early. I know you're the shy type but in the off chance you read this. Hit me up.



Dude, why don't you try looking her up in the staff directory? It


shouldn't take a rocket scientist...or a lawyer for that matter ... to figure out how to reach your own freaking co-worker.

Pass the yule log.

marc jacobs christmas party

beautiful asian girl (mj) with glitter on your boobs and tinsel around your waist. i only got to speak with you for a moment

  enough time to get you name, but wished i had some more. maybe  

this message will actually find you.

Glitter-boobed girl who works for Marc Jacobs - if you're out there, your semi-literate co-worker is looking for you on craigslist instead of stopping by your desk! Here's hoping you find each other through the wonders of internet technology instead of, um, say, seeing each other in the conference room and saying hello. I highly recommend that you respond to his ad, and get it on at once!

Christ. Who wants fruitcake?



To Benjamin 8 cubes down - 25



Dear Benjamin,
This is just to say I think you're adorable, especially in those blue buttoned down shirts that you love to wear. From your dancing at the Christmas party, you seem really cool and fun to be around. Although we only exchange smiles, I would like to move up to a hi someday.

An admirer.

Ah, the wonders of the office holiday party

  -- they'll never cease to amaze me. Girlfriend, get up off your booty,  

walk the eight cubes down and tell good old Benjamin that you liked the way he shook it at the company shindig.

After all, it's Christmas, and we all could use some holiday lovin.'

Now, scroll back up and look at that picture of Tiki and Ronde Barber again.

Mother of Fucking God.



Anyway, happy holidays everyone! Keep it real -- ho ho ho, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink.


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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.