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  WEEK IN CRAIG: NO I DO FOR YOU!  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

The union of a man and woman is the most enduring human institution, honored and encouraged in all cultures and by every religious faith. Ages of experience have taught humanity that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society.

Marriage cannot be severed from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening the good influence of society.

Government, by recognizing and protecting marriage, serves the interests of all.

Today, I call upon the Congress to promptly pass and to send to the states for ratification an amendment to our Constitution defining and protecting marriage as a union of a man and woman as husband and wife. -- President George W. Bush, of course

Dude! President Bush is like so, totally right on! Marriage between a husband and wife IS the most enduring human institution! It is seriously honored and encouraged. And, thankfully, we live in a totally kick-ass society because men and women marry each other!

Truly, there is no more sacred institution in American life than marriage. It is about two people who love and cherish each other … something those homos will never understand.

In honor of Mr. Bush's rousing defense, I hereby present the finest thoughts on marriage that good ol' craigslist has to offer…

business marriage - 22

Hi,
I am 22, an international student going to college in New York. I am non US citzen,and want to marry an American citizen girl (age 19-24) for green card. I can offer you in cash as I have some saving. Please reply if interested. Only serious reply please. I am very cute, nice and intelligent.
thanks.

Now isn't that curious? Marriage for a green card? Obviously, the I.N.S. calls this illegal -- but it's still perfectly possible! On the other hand, two lesbians tying the knot? Fuck them!

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Need to marry a US citizen? $20k+ will do it - m4w - 25

I'm a US citizen, willing to marry a semi attractive foreign woman. You pay me $20,000 (or higher, highest bid gets it) and you'll get your green card.

And, on the other side… credit card debts go you down? Need twenty thousand smackers quick? Just find some poor illegal alien who is willing to blow her family's entire life savings on getting her green card (just as long as she's "semi attractive," of course) and marry her! Nothing like a wedding to pay off those student loans!

Besides, you can tell all your buddies you're a gigolo. AND get laid!

CHINESE OR JAPANESE WIFE WANTED - 39

Seeking mild-mannered woman to marry. Must be good housewife material, language unimportant. To live in large house in country 100 miles from city. I am tall, good build, handsome, blue-eyes, sincere and successful. I have never been married. Please no smokers! Write for more information, I will answer all inquiries.

Ahhhh, nothing sanctifies the institution of marriage like guys looking for submissive Asian housewives on the internet to do their dirty laundry, cook their pork chops, and suck their cocks. (As long as they don't smoke. Altoids are recommended, however.) Dubya-this-THIS is the true meaning of marriage!

A stable and secured good man for marriage - 33

Who does not have the expectation ? Yes, I do.
Everybody wants to have a good result. Yes, I do.
Who do not want to have the true love ? Yes, I do
If you could not meet my requirement, please move on.

Honestly I am searching a rich good man for marriage. Life is short and we should plan and do something what we don't have. I asked myself many times what I really want. I want to have a rich good man who is caring, successful, clean looking, smart, tall, can travel far away, have never married with no kids and want to raise the family and have our own kids in the near future.

It is time for me. I am beautiful, health and fit, Chinese, when I have to be strong I will, when I have to be soft, basicallly I am. Match is one of the most important thing in a relationship daily basis. I prefer a man who can afford the family and the expenses.

What I like : golf, music, dance, movie, world travel, beach, art, clean, cook, dining out, wine, dress up to dress down, classy sexy, sunshine, flowers, romanic, fun loving, great views, learning, beauty and fashion, some social events, international news...

Dislike : a man is not confident and fooling around, dirty places, traffic, bad words, fight, arguement, dishonest, drug, wake up early and sleep late..

Please send your photo and tell me more about yourself. Serious reply only.

Yep! There are women out there looking to broker the same deal! And, hey, guys … what sounds more fun than being rich, married to a Chinese lady you don't know, unable to sleep with anyone else, not allowed to use bad words or drugs, yelled at in "traffic" … and you get to wake up early every day! What a deal! Isn't being rich worth it? Aren't you glad you're paying all those student loans from law school?

Married, Lonely and Horny...(women only) - m4w

I'm married and in a sexless marriage. It seems that so many couples are sexually mismatched. While I do not want to divorce, I need to be sexual again. I want to be able to feel sex like sex again. If you feel the same way...respond.

Thankfully, Dubya's protection of marriage allots for horny housewives. Whew!

Married professional seeks anonymous release - 32

I am 32, married, good looking, friendly and well educated. I am looking for someone local (West 50s) who can host and get me off anonymously. I want the room to be dark and I'll have a pillow over my face so I can't see you. However, anything goes - you can suck me, rim me, massage me, maybe even fuck me (if we connect) - but I just don't want to see you at all.

If you are interested, let me know - especially if you have a friend ;)

I am 100% married and in shape. 7.5 cut is the object of your affection!

To be fair, it's much easier to tell if you "connect" with someone when you can't see them. We think this is how Laura survives her - sacred - marriage.

Married VGL Suit lkg for muscle butt to eat Wed or Thursday day-u host - m4m - 35

Married, very good looking, handsome, very very discreet, masculine Madison Ave guy looking for a hot under 40 smooth muscle jock butt to eat daytime Wed or Thu this week . Pls be able to host.
I am 5'10", 159, lean, work out, 30 w, smooth, brown hair, br eyes, All American cool guy. U must be a masculine cool guy too but most important is your hot smooth bubble butt. I can literally eat hot butt for hours. No recip needed. If you are into having a great looking married guy eat your ass...i'm it .
Need to be convenient to midtown and can host. No drugs and be dis free. 'Repeats are ok if all goes well first time but absolutely not looking for relationship so please dont push.

President Bush is even merciful! It's PERFECTLY fine to have a married guy eat your "bubble" ass … as long as you're not the one married to him. Makes sense!

The moral of the story: Marriage is a holy union between two committed souls, particularly if one of the souls is looking for a green card, is in a sexless marriage, wants the cold hard cash or just wants to chomp a little sphincter. What institution could possibly be in more need of protection?

Thanks, Prez! Fight the power!

 

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.