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  Amy Blair    

What's the deal with Jennifer Garner?

Jennifer Garner is in tons of movies, on TV all the time, is constantly being followed by the press, etc. and well....I dont get it! Sure, she's pretty, but I can think of at least 50 other actresses pretier/more talented. What's the big hype over this girl?

Jennifer Garner is in movies, on TV and is constantly being followed by the press for one reason, and one reason alone. People are extremely stupid. There is no other explanation.

Every time I see Jennifer Garner, a little bit of vomit comes up into my mouth. She's all -- "I'm Jennifer Garner! I'm so cute! And quirky! And silly! Weeee!"

Jennifer Garner, pretty pretty please stop making movies. Stop making television shows. Stop doing those god-awful squeaky-clean Access Hollywood interviews. Stop going to awards shows in your prim little kitten heels and peachy-pink dresses. Stop, for the love of god, polluting our television and movie screens with your You-Go-Girl Glow.

Jennifer Garner, you are a bad lady. You are neither cute, nor funny, nor talented. Daredevil was easily one of the most just-plain-dumb movies I've ever seen. And 13 Going On 30 is guaranteed to be one of the worst movies that I'll never see.

You somehow suckered people into watching Alias. And, even more disgusting, you've suckered a lot of seemingly otherwise intelligent men into wanting to fuck you. You are not fuck-worthy. You are not even make-out-drunk-worthy.

Any guy who wants to fuck Jennifer Garner is a total douchebag and a retard.

But Mama never said the world was fair, and a lot of guys want to fuck a lot of really, really, REALLY annoying chicks. So, here's to annoying chicks getting fucked on -- where else -- craigslist.


Hello BOYS!

We are a group of single, early to mid 20s, attractive, college-educated women seeking the same...the same BEING: 22-32 year-old, single, employed men in MANHATTAN looking to have fun and meet some quality, FUN WOMEN!

Shoot us a response...we're hoping to put together a weekly mixer to meet new people in a stress free/no pressure environment. So if you like to drink and have a good time shoot us a line, we'll respond with location and time of drink!

Can't wait to hear from you!

This ad screams four words: Fat. Ugly. Boring. Desperate.

Reality check, gals: You have resorted to organizing a weekly craigslist "mixer" to meet guys. And let me tell you, in my experience "mixer" TOTALLY spells FUN WOMEN!


A little compatibility survey...... - 21

Hey, so maybe filling out a little survey isn't what you want to do, and that is fine, no one is making you, you can move on from my little ad. BUT if you're interested in getting to know a smart, educated, goal oriented, ambitious woman, answer my questions and send my a pic!! Feel free when you e-mail me to send me any little survey of your own.

dream job:
area of the city you live in:
area of the city you would like to settle down in:
are you religious? if so are you practicing:
name one nice thing you did for someone today:
favorite thing to do in the city:

ok, that should do it for now, hope to hear from you!!

How many survey responses do you want to bet this little vixen received? My money's on at least 50. Plus another 50 pictures of penises. And one or two requests for sex in exchange for riches from Saudi Arabian "princes."

But that's neither here nor there. This ad sounds like it was written by a 12-year old girl. (Which is obviously a possibility.) But sadly, this is craigslist, and more likely than not, it was actually written by a grown woman. Sad, sad, sad.

Carrie seeks Mr. BIG...... - 35

SWF seeks educated, employed, tall, athletic, great shape, age (29-45), and single......


Send photo with a brief description about yourself...........

Wait-oh no you didn't just go there. Did you really just say "Carrie seeks Mr. BIG?" Putty tat -- that show is over. Wait -- it's not just over. It's sooooo over. Oh god. If you get sex out of this ad, I'm going to cry. I'm really, truly going to cry.

I can't believe I'm actually posting this... - 42

Do you remember being 17...when you thought 40 was ancient...well guess what--it's not! I still feel that 17 vibe without the superficial, self-possessed urgency...but I find myself wondering where you are...

I like getting massages, but not giving them.
I'd like you to be fit, but not to mind my curves.
I'm low maintenance. I'm sicilian/scottish canadian decent.
I love passion.

Hmm. You sound like just about the single most annoying human being alive. You like getting massages, but you don't like giving them? You like your men fit, but hope they don't mind that you're "curvy?" Let me guess -- you like getting head, but you haven't given a blowjob since you were 17 and filled with that "superficial self-possessed urgency?"

P.S. "I love passion." Good ending.

Anyway. Back to ol' annoying man-jawed Jennifer Garner and the dudes who dig her … if you've seen the previews for 13 Going on 30 and you still want to hump her, you leave me sad and confused. It seems to me that it would be more fun to stick your dick in a bowl of warm oatmeal than Jennifer Garner. I hate this woman. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE this woman.

I'm sorry -- excuse my violence. What can I say? I love passion.


Want More?

Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.


Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.