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  WEEK IN CRAIG: LET'S DOODLE SOME YANKEE DANDY!  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

Hey baby, it's the 4th of July this weekend … let's make some "fireworks" together. Heh heh. Get it? Fireworks.

It's Independence Day, so why don't you leave that wedding ring at home and show me just how "independent" you are. Aww, yeah.

Let's celebrate America by dressing you up like the Statue of Liberty -- we can really raise your torch, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink.

If you show me your mountain majesties, I'll show you my fruited plain. Yow!

Hey there, hot stuff, how 'bout you let me ring your Liberty Bell? Hubba, hubba.

Let's have our own little 4th of July BBQ. I'll bring the wiener if you bring the buns. Ka-ching.

God, I love this holiday.

4th of JULY FLING - 42

42 yo SWM would like to meet a fun, attractive, sexy woman (25-40) to set off some holiday fireworks. Lets meet for drinks and discuss our plans for a grand finale. Send a description and lets see if my matches will lite your fuse. You bring the sparklers, I've got the rocket. oooooh ahhhhhh.

Hey Craigslisters -- I've got a question for you. Is there ANYONE here among you who wants to bring the sparklers? Does anyone want to see his rocket? Anyone want their fuse lit by his matches? Anyone want to discuss plans for the grand finale?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

My cock in you as you sit on my lap and watch fireworks on my rooftop - m4w - 30

I live in the West Village and have access to a rooftop overlooking the River. I'd love to have semipublic sex with a woman on the rooftop as we watch the fireworks.

I'll bring up some chairs to the rooftop (8th floor, middle of the Village) . . . you sit on my lap as the fireworks start and I fondle and kiss your neck . . . .

You should wear a sundress with no panties . . . . you will then hike up your skirt, and sit on my lap, with my cock up inside of you . . . your sundress will cover us a bit, but the neighbors on the other roof might see a little . . . We sit there and you rock a little up and down, as we watch the fireworks . .. . I'd like to bring you to orgasm during the fireworks . . .

All safe, condom-using, and cool! I'm a very cute professional white male, dark brown hair/eyes. .

If this turns you on, e-mail me and let's chat

OK, confession. This is a first, but this idea actually did mildly turned me on. That's most likely because I'm going to get my period in a few days, and I'm so horny, I get turned on watching Jeopardy.

But that's besides the point.

SWING Party this weekend - mw4mw - 20

Hi there,

We were thinking of putting together a last minute swingers party for this weekend. We can host in our apartment and can accommodate about 5 couples. This can either be for Saturday night or for Sunday (we'll be shooting off our own fireworks, hehe).

Location is in the financial area of the city. No cover. Just BYOB and BYOC. No hard drugs. Disease free.

Please send pics if you're interested. Single women would be considered.

Thanks

A swing party in the financial district? Is it just me, or is this poster seriously trapped in the early 80's, or what?

At least he was clever enough to throw in one of those "shooting off our own fireworks" jokes. "Hehe," indeed.

anyone? fireworks? with a Japanese kimono girl? - 32

It has been a tradition for me to go see a fireworks on 4th of July every year with a boyfriend. But since I am not dating anyone this year, looking for someone who will be intereted in seeing fireworks with me. I will be wearing a yukata (summer kimono), any volunteers???

I am Japanese female, 32 years old professional, living and working in nyc.

Lets meet before 4th of July and if we click, we will have a wonderful time seeing fireworks and maybe some cold sake too.
Please send a pic, thank you.

OK, so I had to confirm with my nerdy Japanese-speaking roommate that a yukata is indeed a summer kimono -- and not a tropical fruit -- before I dissed this ad. Having received confirmation, I can now say with authority that this is one of the weirdest craigslist ads I've seen.

Why? Because the weirdness almost slips under the radar. Almost.

But when you think about it, who the hell advertises that they need a date to the fireworks because they have a TRADITION of always going with a boyfriend -- and then adds on the fact that they will be wearing a kimono? To the 4th of July fireworks? Why would you wear a kimono? And why is this part of the deal for the date?

Amy is so confused.

PYROTECHNIC FOREPLAY - m4w - 35

Hi! I'm looking for someone to go watch some fireworks with. Hopefully, the fireworks we'll watch will be just the right foreplay we need to get in the mood and to make some fireworks of our own after the last shell has burst. Who knows? Maybe we'll wait until everybody has left the park and do it in the grass? I'm looking for someone to be my NSA date to see fireworks at Brookdale in Montclair, NJ on July 1st. Also, I'm looking for a date for the Ridgewood, NJ fireworks on July 5th. There's also fireworks at Westpoint on July 4th. If anyone's interested please send a reply and pic. Your pic gets mine. Age: 21 and over. Ethnicity: Any Looks: attractive. Personality: horny, sexually assertive, and good company.

A little more about me. I'm a SWM, 5'7", attorney, light brown hair, deep green eyes, ample size,looking for fun and companionship, and NSA. I would describe myself as down-to-earth, outgoing, laid back, and have many interests.

I enjoy rollerblading, taking daytrips to the beach, country or wherever my partner and I choose to go. On the weekends I'm equally at home hiking in the mountains or bumming around the City. My tastes run simple, too. I enjoy reading, photography, music and laying back on the sofa watching movies with my dog at my side.

I'm seeking someone who is warm, compassionate, attractive, honest and smart. She can be caught frequently displaying her affections for me both privately and publicly. My ideal partner is down-to-earth, loves animals (dogs especially), likes the outdoors, walking next to a trickling stream, waterfalls, the beach, dining out, and spending quiet times at home. I'm tired of all the games, the pretentiousness, and the spin of spin city. I'm looking for someone who is honest, straightforward, knows what they want, and isn't afraid to reach for it. I'm not perfect but I can definitely be exciting, challenging, and interesting.

Good god, man. So you want to make some fireworks of your own in Montclair on July 1, Westpoint on July 4, and Ridgewood on July 5? Dude, you get around.

I can't decide whether my favorite part of this ad is the "fireworks as foreplay" aspect (a.k.a. I don't have to go down on you because the fireworks will get you in the mood, baby), or the request for "Personality: horny, sexually assertive, and good company."

Well, it's all great, I guess.

So anyway, enjoy the BBQs and fireworks and dramatic renditions of "Yankee Doodle Dandy" this weekend. But, please, skip the sparklers. Those things are freaking dangerous.

 

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.