back to the Black Table
  Amy Blair    

There are so many fucking freaks trolling craigslist that it's often easy to forget that the Web site actually serves a really valuable utilitarian purpose. For example, you can use it to buy yourself some Barry Manilow tickets! (And who doesn't love "Can't Smile Without You"?). Or to get some free cubicles! (Always useful). Or to even find yourself a really good job. Woopee!

This week's column is an exploration of a specific one of those oft overlooked utilitarian purposes of craigslist …

You know when you're traveling for business, and you're all alone, and you've got a big ass corporate Amex in your pocket, and you're staying at a swanky hotel courtesy of your awesome company -- or, as in the case of my Black Table business trips, staying at the Motel 6 with $20 and two bottles of Robitussin -- and you're in an unfamiliar city, and you know nobody, and all you want is a little No Strings Attached lovey-lovey from someone who is for ONCE not an ACTUAL hooker? You know that feeling?

That's where craigslist comes in. Next time you're traveling on the company dime, don't just prepare the Powerpoint presentation and bring extra business cards -- remember to post an ad in advance on craigslist for a little on-the-road, on-the-clock business-trip-booty.

Bon Voyage!

In town on business - Handsome, Virile man iso discreet Fuck Buddy - m4w

Hi Ladies,

I am in Atlanta on business from Friday 7/15 through Monday 7/18 looking for a NSA discreet Fuck buddy.

A handsome, professional, intelligent, and sexy 47yo wm 6'1" 185 lbs with a great physique (I workout 5 days a week) with great abs, and firm pecs, strong arms, and well endowed.

So, I am looking for a NSA partner (one only) to share long romantic and extreme foreplay (long, highly erotic, and intense) to reach incredible heights of sensuality. We can explore and create the "art" of fucking together, not just "getting off", don't get me wrong I love sharing incredibly delicious orgasms, but the excitement, exploration, and creativity of the JOURNEY is much more exciting and fun than just the arrival. The arrival can be just, so, well climactic.

So, if this sounds intriguing to you, let me hear from you and then we can............................................


Until then,

Sweet kisses


We can explore and create the "art" of fucking together. Eek! Total swoon.

Also, as much as EXTREME FOREPLAY sounds fascinating (is that like Fear Factor meets Harlequin Romance?), what the hell is up with "the arrival can be just, so, well climactic"? Uh, dude. Errrr. I don't know about you, but, well, for me, when the arrival turns out to be "climactic," I'm sure as fuck not complaining.

Visiting A Hotel near you - m4w - 27

6'0 attractive blonde/brown hair in town visiting from Seattle seeking a tour guide or fuck slave for fun.

Please no gay or bi men, thanks.

this is in or around Mall of America

Who doesn't want a fuck slave when they're in or around the Mall of America? Personally, that's the first thing that comes to mind every single time I've been there.

For anyone who has never been to Minnesota (or who doesn't watch documentaries on the Discovery Channel about malls, which, of course, I totally don't, no way, of course not), the Mall of America is the nation's biggest mall and "entertainment complex." Featuring a full-size amusement park with an actual roller coaster inside ("Camp Snoopy"), a movie theater, an aquarium, a bowling alley, a LEGO Imagination Center, NASCAR indoor stock car races and of course, hundreds upon hundreds of totally fabulous stores like Malibu Shades, Bead It!, Irish Indeed, Hawaii Crabs and the ever-popular Minnesota favorite Lake Wobegone … Mall of America makes you want to totally go to town at Hot Topic and Claire's Boutique and then put on some leather and tie up some poor fucker and beat his sexy ass senseless.

Or whatever.

California guy visiting Montreal June 20-22 - m4w

I'm looking to hook up with a travelling companion or maybe just a a good old roll in the hay. I like French women and don't see enough of them out west. I plan to spend some time in the Laurentians, Ottawa, then drive back to Boston. I'm slim, athletic, with lots of groovy muscles. I'm a non-smoker, STD-free and always practice safe sex, expecting the same. I like women 25 - 35 who are not overweight and enjoy having a good time.

Groovy muscles, eh? Who the hell uses the word "groovy" to describe their pecs? Or, more appropriately, who the hell uses the word "groovy," period? Oh well, at least the French chicks up in Canada probably won't know any better. That's the beauty of boning foreigners: You can be just as dumb as you want and blame it on "the language barrier." How would so many of us get laid without it?

Fun, Wacky Chicks Who Want To Get Vegasy! - m4ww - 37

Hey! I'll be in Vegas July 19-25 and I'd like to meet some fun, silly chicks or broads(and I mean that in a good way)who like to gamble, drink, stay out late, laugh and do some "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" kinda stuff! I'm not looking for Paris Hilton and I'm not gonna be your sugar daddy. Drinks and dinner, maybe a silly hat if you'll wear it, no problem. Maybe you're in your 20s, maybe you're in your 40s. Doesn't matter. Maybe you're skinny, maybe you're a little chubby. Doesn't matter. Maybe you live in Vegas, maybe you're from out-of-town. Doesn't matter. Maybe you're celibate and drink bottled water, maybe you do shots and flash. Wait, that matters! Well one of them anyhow.

I think you're getting the drift by now.

Drop me a line, your pic/description gets mine.

I'll be there with a friend, but he doesn't know I'm posting this.

Just in case, some definitions:

Good Crazy: Getting drunk and making out at Cook E. Jarr's show.
Collecting hooker business cards from the porn-slappers and trading
them with your friends.

Bad Crazy: Hoping to kick your crack habit so you can get your kids back. Eating at the Circus-Circus buffet.

So, are there any ladies out there who aren't charmed by his proclamation that he's "not looking for Paris Hilton and [he's] not gonna be your sugar daddy. Drinks and dinner, maybe a silly hat if you'll wear it, no problem." Wow, that's quite possibly the hottest pick-up line I've ever heard. Chicks TOTALLY dig it when you offer to buy them drinks and dinner and silly hats.

P.S.: What's so "Bad Crazy" about the Circus-Circus Buffet? Old people and all-you-can-eat potato salad? Mmmmmm.


Want More?

Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.


Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.