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  WEEK IN CRAIG: UP ALL NIGHT, SLEEP ALL DAY.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

I'm not what my mother would call a "good sleeper." According to her child-maddening wisdom, everything can be categorized into "good" and "bad," from prisons (for bad people) to college (for good people) to meatloaf (a good dinner) to Blairs (bad sleepers).

When my brother was a kid, he used to play full nine-inning baseball games in his sleep in our living room. Every few weeks, the whole family would awaken in the middle of the night to hear him narrating and acting out his dream game at 3 a.m. downstairs. In a perfectly creepy Phil Rizzuto voice, we'd hear my brother announcing the game. "Now batting for the Yankees, Number 12, the man, the myth, the legend, DAN BLAIR!!" Inevitably, there would be a perfect fastball that would catch the corner of the plate and my brother would pull it for a game-tying double. He'd be running full-speed from the living room to the kitchen, and wind up sliding into a dining room chair, driving home Ricky Henderson, and saving the game.

The crowd, of course, went wild.

It was fucking creepy, to say the least. Fortunately for my brother, he outgrew the sleepwalking. I have no doubt that he's still dreaming about playing for the Yankees; he just doesn't act it out in the middle of the night in his living room anymore. Me, on the other hand, I never lost my touch.

Two years ago, on vacation, I was That Freaky American Girl in a Dublin hostel who woke everyone up running through the halls at 4 a.m. in my sleep screaming that someone was chasing me. Another time my roommate woke up to find me standing over her in bed, on the verge of stepping on her face. I've woken up in the hallway of my apartment building, uncertain of what I'm doing out there. And once, (in one of my personal favorites) I woke up in a janitor's closet in my dorm in college. I've even attempted to hail a cab before in my sleep, but thankfully my roommate was there and somehow managed to stop me.

Thankfully, I only sleepwalk about once a year anymore, when I'm excessively stressed and, well, fairly drunk. For the most part, I'm just an insomniac now -- and fortunately, you can, uh, take something for that.

This week, here's to all of the insomniacs on craigslist -- bad sleepers, if you will -- trolling the web in the middle of the night, looking for a little distraction from their late night sleeplessness. Oh, and let's not forget -- this is craigslist, afterall -- they're inevitably looking for a little piece of after-midnight tail.


R U Awake? - nsa - 28

I'm bored, it is 2:30am, I'm thinking "hey it would be fun to get some action right now." I am a 9 in the face and have a good body, very sexually motivated. Give me a shout, who knows??
Dave

And we're off…

Ok, maybe I'm a retard, but it took me, like, five minutes to figure out what "I am a 9 in the face" meant. I mean, that just sounds painful, no? What ever happened to "I think I'm pretty good-looking"? Or, "people tell me I'm hot"?

I think I'm going to start talking like that from now on.

Hi. My name is Amy. I'm a 9 in the tits, but just a 7 in the ass. I'm thinking "hey it would be fun to get some action right now."

a fantasy . . . - 30

it's been a boring night tonight, all alone in my comfortable cozy place, I just can't fall asleep tonight, and had this idea while in bed... this fantasy that can only become reality here...

I have a fantasy of a stranger coming up to my place, we do not exchange pictures, just a description. You ring on my door, I let you come in, the door is slightly open, you enter. We do not see each other, the appartement is dark we can only see shadows, maybe we talk a bit, or maybe we just start to make out right there and go to the bed in the dark... without even seeing each other, or at least, not seeing clearly each other... at the end we can turn on the light, or ideally just spend the evening that way, without ever seeing each other... all about sensuality, imagination, touch... I am terribly excited thinking about this...

Interested? write me back, let's do this right now, because it has to be spontaneous... I would exchange pictures if you wish, but doing the full thing would be much more fun... exciting... crazy... a fantasy...

About me? I am a very attractive male, tall, in shape, educated, clean, and just with a crazy idea tonight. Up for it? It is midnight and I am all awake now, fantasizing... what about you?

Part 2: cause a part 2 is optional, but can be fun as well ...
If we get along, we meet more than once, but we keep our experiences that way... always in the dark, never really see each other... I just think there is something terribly exciting about this. Kind of a secret unknown lover... Am I terribly adventurous, or just crazy? You tell me...

When I read posts like this, I really have to wonder, does this douchebag honestly think that this is going to work?? Could someone really be THAT delusional?

I guess, frighteningly, the answer is a strong affirmative (so disturbing).

Anyway, gals, in the bizarre event that any of you actually find this fantasy to be intriguing and you are even remotely considering the possibility of actually responding to him I urge you to think about this: Scaryboy SAYS he wants the whole thing to happen under the cover of darkness because it will be "terribly exciting." But I'm guessing that if you actually got there and turned on the lights, he'd look like a cross between the kid from Mask and Vice President Cheney, with a cauliflower penis and elephant balls.

There's a reason why he's talking about doing it in the dark, and it has nothing to do with fantasy. Everyone knows that dudes who aren't disfigured like to leave the lights ON.

INDIAN SEEKS HELP-NOW!! - m4w - 27

Hi,

I am 27 male, Indian in descent and have great looks. I have never slept with a white female till now. I would loev to do so. I have a nice bug house and can host you. People who ahve slept with me earlier tellme i am great. I am into anal, dom, and many types of fetish

ping me if you are awake now

Wow, I'm totally awake and I'm totally going to ping him.

Thank god for insomnia, or I'd never have had the opportunity to go to his bug house.

Seriously, people, what the fuck??

 

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.