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  WEEK IN CRAIG: ALL THE FREAKS IN THE HOUSE SAY HOOO.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

One of the most overlooked, yet one of my most favoritest sections of craigslist, is the Activity Partners board.

Nestled among the ads posted by relatively normal people (and it's always relative on craigslist) searching for racquetball partners book clubs and lunch buddies are a slew of posters looking for what the rest of us call "friends" to share in their truly disturbed visions of "fun."

Ahh, Activity Partners. I mean, you can't knock the concept. Let's pretend for a second that I'm, like, nice or something, and let me be momentarily sympathetic (shocking, I know). New York, for newbies, can be a tough city in which to meet people. Even I (God help me for admitting this) used the board once to find an extra player for my softball team (Gooooo Remainders!). So it's not like I can shit in anyone else's bed for giving it a whirl.

But its usefulness is not what's to L-U-V about the Activity Partners section. It's the losers. The spazzes. The dimwits. The shut-ins.

So what up, yo? Let's drop the sympathetic yammering. All the freaks in the house say hooo.

Streaking!!

Let's meet in CP and streak across the park at midnight on Friday!

Anyone who's up for it, let me know.

Where?

From East 96th Street around the reservoir and back

Do you realize that the reservoir in Central Park is, like, a mile and a half long? That's not streaking; that's called Naked Marathon, jackass.

Besides, who the hell STREAKS besides those idiots that occasionally interrupt a Super Bowl with Web site advertisements scrawled on their backs, or 19-year-old college students who get shitfaced and run around naked in a cornfield until they get a corn rash on their ass (which, for the record, I sooo did not do while visiting a friend at Grinnell College in the summer of '96. Ahem).

Anyway, not only that, but the only way anyone's naked ass should be in Central Park at midnight on a Friday night would be if they were abducted by aliens and left there for dead after a three-week vacation on Jupiter.

Um, I think I'd rather get naked at the Super Bowl, personally. At least they'd just fine you a couple thousand and throw you in jail for the night. It's probably safer than what would happen to a naked person in the park in the middle of the night.

Hello, retard. Central Park. It's not a cornfield in Iowa.

Gay boys who are serious readers

Are you a gay boy who loves serious non-fiction and literature but finds that your friends glaze over when you share your fab stories with them? Share with me instead. Forget book clubs that force you to read books you don't want...dish about whatever you're reading...one on one or with a few of us! I'm 43 and good friend material...you're younger and eager to share.

This post makes me so mad. As a seriously queer-loving Fag Hag Extraordinaire who has spent many a blissful Saturday night at The Cock, this NERD is totally shattering my always-fabulous vision of New York City Gaydom.

Um, I'm sorry, but "gay boy" and "serious non-fiction and literature" should sooo not go together in a fucking craigslist ad. If you read the last sentence first ("you're younger and eager to share"), you would think that this post was totally going to be spectacularly dirty and fun. Instead, if you keep reading it in reverse, you get "I'm 43 and good friend material." What the fuck, man?

Seriously, stick to boas and platform shoes and club drugs and bitchiness. That's why we love you. I so don't need my gay men myths shattered. Not when I just started getting into Queer Eye!

Like, seriously.

Dark Odyssey: A Sexual Journey

Imagine a vacation where you can explore the many facets of sexuality in a private, intimate community of like-minded people. A wholly unique experience which brings together sexuality, spirituality, education, and play in a fun, supportive, non-judgmental, diverse environment where fantasy becomes reality. By day, learn sexual tips and techniques to create, maintain, or revive the erotic spark in your relationship. Explore a multitude of partnering possibilities, from swinging and open relationships to threesomes and polyamory. Brush up on the basics or get hands-on experience at new BDSM skills like bondage, flogging, sensory deprivation and Dominant/submissive dynamics. Delve into a world of spiritual journeys and teachings on Earth-based spirituality, Tantra, and paganism. Find all this and more in a series of dynamic workshops from top-notch sex educators, relationship experts, BDSM masters, and spiritual teachers.

At night, a very different fun begins. Bonfires blaze and drummers create an intoxicating beat as dancers become one with the rhythm and begin to encircle the fire. Elsewhere exotic music becomes the background to a wonderland of freedom as people explore the things they were exposed to that day. In the Dungeon, expert BDSM players and novices tease and torment their partners as onlookers watch their powerful rituals. Step into the Temple of Aphrodite to find people blending together their passions as they worship the power of the Goddess of Love.

Dark Odyssey is a 4-6 day, all-inclusive, clothing optional Sacred Sexuality retreat for open-minded adults from all walks of life. We gather to explore, learn and play on two hundred very private and secluded acres in Northern Maryland.

For more info: http://www.darkodyssey.com

Anyone interested in going? I'm a straight, single male, twenties with athletic bod. Maybe we can share the ride together :-)

I think I might have seen an episode of HBO's "Real Sex" about this. A bunch of naked old hippies performing bad oral sex on each other while some fat old broad discusses how they are finding their spiritual center through tantric breathing and polyamorous bliss rituals. Wait, I forgot; that's, like, <EM>every single episode</EM> of "Real Sex." Can you say: So Not Sexy?

Anyway, my favorite part about this ad? "Maybe we can share the ride together :-)."

You idiot.

Biking + Europe = Fun????

I am a supple, virile, 26 year-old Brooklyn resident, working in finance, trying to find some people in the area who would like to travel to Europe (Italy? France?) for a bike/hiking tour. I don't have any friends who are willing to spend their hard earned money to travel many hours to hop on a bike and climb hills. Call me crazy, but this sounds like fun to me. If anyone out there has a similar interest, maybe let's meet and we'll get along and go have a fun trip in a foreign country, or something like that.

No Red Sox fans please.

Whoa, man, slow down. Nobody besides Paul Hamm or someone answering a Help Wanted ad for Vivid Entertainment should be describing themselves as "supple" and "virile." Is this a post for super acrobatic sex, or someone looking for a biking partner?

At least he comes to his senses at the end with that ban against Red Sox fans. Biking across France with a blathering Bostonian?

God help me, I'll take a corn rash on my ass any day over that.

 

Want More?

Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.

 

Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.