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  Amy Blair    
   
 

Happy Halloween, nerds!

Because I'm bored, this week I'd like to share with you some of my favorite Halloween costumes over the years:

  • Witch Wearing Groucho Marx Glasses/Nose (1983)
  • Punk Rocker Alien (1985)
  • Hypodermic Needle (1988)
  • Axl Rose (1990)
  • A Boy (1994)
  • Naughty Catholic School Girl With Real Hickies (1996)
  • Miss New Jersey (In Garbage Bag Dress) (1998)
  • Dominatrix Pigeon (2004)

Seriously, I love this freaking holiday. What, with the candy hearts and leprechauns and bunny rabbits that hide eggs -- Halloween rules.

Any Bottoms for Saturday night? - 39

Looking for any hot bottoms for a late-night fuck. Going to a Halloween party but it should be over before midnight.

Any guys at the Jersey Shore looking for an anonymous hook up? You leave the door unlocked...I come in, in my costume. You're sleeping on the couch. You wake up when I push your head to my cock and tell you to suck it.

Then I give you a condom, tell you to put it on me, you lube the end (you've already pre-lubed your hole) and turn you around, bend you over and fuck you hard...cum and leave.

Is it just me, or should the title of this ad actually be "How To Fuck Dudes Without Your Friends Realizing You're a Homo?"

Right?

I mean, come on man. You live at the Jersey Shore! That's so gay, it's practically like living in Chelsea! Your buds will totally understand if you tell them that you like to pound other guys' pre-lubed holes. No need to hide in the closet behind a Halloween costume and this silly little charade of anonymous intruder fantasy crap. Humping butts is A-OK! Even boy butts! Especially at the Jersey Shore!

Harry seeks Ron and Hermione - m4mw - 26

I have often been told I look like Harry Potter, and I know the books well. I'm looking for other people who look like HP characters and know the books to join me on Halloween, in costume and in character. I'm thinking we'll go to the Village Halloween Parade, but I'm open to other suggestions.

Whoa, Harry Potter. Really? Man, that's just, like, painful.

  1. Not only are you going to dress up as something as agonizingly corny and three-years-ago as Harry Stupid Potter, but …
  2. You are trying to recruit random people you don't know on Craigslist to dress up as Hermione and Ron, and …
  3. You not only want everyone in costume, but in character.

That's just sad, man.

In semi-related-tangent news … you know, I never really did understand the whole Pottergasm that everyone was having a couple of years ago. I had a couple of bong hits once and watched the movie. If I remember correctly, there were a bunch of geeks and a talking broomstick, or something. And they were all flying around, playing hockey in the sky. Right?

And this got millions of people around the world jerking themselves off because… ?

Halloween Date(s)? - swm - 26

I am going to/co-hosting a huge Halloween party on Saturday Oct 30th from 6:00ish to whenever. I am looking for a date/dates to go with me to the party. Just looking to meet some new people and have fun. The party will have tons of alcohol, a DJ, search lights, etc. The only thing expected of you is to have a Halloween costume and be friendly. The party will be about 50+ strong and will be a great time.

As for myself, I am a 6 foot tall white boy, slender, good looking (greater than 8.5 on Hot or Not for what that's worth), and most importantly, extremely fun.

Let me know if you are interested. Please send a picture and tell me what your Halloween costume is.

Oh no you didn't! Please tellllllllll me you didn't just say "greater than 8.5 on Hot or Not for what that's worth."

Here's some advice. If you posted a picture on Hot Or Not, you should not tell anyone. If anyone finds out, you should pretend that you know nothing about it. Instead, you should do your best to act shocked and suggest that maybe that super bitchy assistant in your office that you had fired a few weeks ago posted it to get back at you.

Under no circumstances should you ever admit to having posted your own picture there.

Finally, 8.5 ain't that great. I've seen total dogs get, like, 9's and higher.

It's just Halloween, people, not fucking New Year's!

My God, the people getting so wrapped up in this stupid, unholiday-no significance-whatsoever-dress-up-so-people-will-look-at-me excuse.

PLEASE LOOK AT ME!! SOMEBODY PLEASE LOOKE AT ME...sniff..sniff..sob..sob...nobody loves me or pays attention to ME!! Waaaaah!!! I have to get dressed up and get fucked up to hopefully get laid by a stranger....waaaaah, SOMEBODY LOOK AT ME!!! (sniff...)

this is in or around Not enough hugs from Mom?

A dress-up-so-people-will-look-at-me excuse? Getting drunk and wearing a costume so that hopefully you'll get laid at the end of the night by a stranger? Not enough hugs from Mom? What on earth are you implying, sister?? That I'll be boozed up and wearing a Dominatrix Pigeon costume this year in a blatantly shallow attempt to get people to pay attention to me, in hopes that I might get, hark!, laid at the end of the night?! My God, you don't know me at all! I have NO idea where you would have gotten such an idea…

Hey Craigslisters -- Boo!

 

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.