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  Amy Blair    

A wise philosopher once said: "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go … everywhere."

Hath wiser words ever been spoken?

There are few things that I find more annoying in life than "nice girls." OK, well, maybe there are one or two small things more annoying than nice girls … like that commercial for anti-fungal medicine in which the little cartoon fungus-guy lifts up somebody's toenail and peers underneath (shiver) … or baseball fans who wear pink baseball caps … or when my co-workers go into my desk and steal my office supplies (that's MY stapler, dammit!) … or Newsweek Editor Eleanor Clift's painfully shrill voice on The McLaughlin Group…

But you get the point here. Nice girls are really annoying. What with their, "I don't want to break a nail!" And their, "I volunteer at the local nursing home!" And their, "I won't take it up the butt!"

God, it just disgusts me.

Thankfully, craigslist isn't exactly a haven for good girls. Instead, the men of craigs tend to be seeking what one genius calls "a slut to Use ravage and fuck After all, what else are whore good for other than letting some random dudes ride her like a cheap carnival ride?"

I ask myself that everyday, people. Every damn day.

Anyway, this week's column seeks out those lone boys on craigslist who just want a nice, young lady to settle down with. Forget the carnival rides this weeks, peeps. We're heading into Boring Town…

WHAT happen to the NICE girls????? - 29

Well seems like all the girls out there are into the dick heads
Is there not any nice girls that like to be treat right and respected??
I am hispanic male tall dark and cute
I have all the quals of a normal human for this world
IE: job car house goals and morals
Looking for new people to hang out with
movies, shopping, dinner, drinks, dancing, etc. even staying at home watching TV

I love how you consider all of the qualities of a "normal human for this world" to be "job car house goals and morals."

What's funny about this is that neither I, nor anyone I know, has a car, a house, goals or morals. Hey, at least we've got jobs! Well, at least some of us do…

Anyway, the reason why all of the nice girls are into dickheads is because dickheads at least like things other than staying home and watching TV. Cause let's face it, really … we all know that we'd get about two weeks of movies, shopping, dinner, drinks, and dancing … and then it would be all "60 Minutes" and "8 Simple Rules" from there on out. Snooze-o-Rama.

10 of us. do you think you could round up 10 of you by sat?

10 nice guys looking for 10 nice girls for fun and relaxed time.
we are all single looking to expand our horizons and possibilities instead of throwing the dice one date at a time.
much more laid back for everyone.

Oh god. I can think of nothing more nerdy than gathering up nine of my single "nice" friends to go out with a bunch of dorks who are looking to "expand [their] horizons and possibilities instead of throwing the dice one date at a time."

Man, people who view dating as some sort of business deal or math problem really freak me out. Throwing the dice one date at a time?? Dude, that's just unnatural. Let me guess, you're looking to "win the wife lottery" as well?

Is it really so bad to just go on dates for -- say -- the fun of it?

P.S. Your final thought of "Much more laid back for everyone" equals "no chance ANYONE'S getting laid from this." And we all know it.

Big kisses for all nice girls

You want to learn French, I can teach you all aspect of French languge the beautiful love language.
My hourly rate is $ 50.

A tres bientot

This ad is so confusing. Judging from the title ("Big kisses for all nice girls") I thought that this was someone, ya know, looking to hit it and quit it. With some nice girls. But then, the next thing you know, he's offering up French lessons, and asking for 50 bucks an hour.

And then he's writing some French kissy-kissy crap at the end.

Listen, Pierre, are you looking to get laid, or are you looking to make money? It sounds like you don't know WHAT you want. But I'd suggest that you take it to the Casual Encounters section, whatever it is. Or better yet, just take it back to France.

Blech! God, I hate those Frenchies.

Any southern bells up here in NY? - 25

No offense to ny women, but I am sorry to say, that the majority of you, have awful, bitchy attitudes.
What ever happened to girls who are REALLY sweet?
The few southern girls I have met are real sweethearts.
Would love to meet a nice, southern bell.
E mail me , and lets trade pics, and chat.

No offense to New York women? Oh honey, consider this offense TAKEN.

Listen here, tardo. It's Southern BELLE, not Southern "bell." As in pretty. Beautiful. You know, it's all Frenchy and shit. And if you're looking for a nice Southern gal, why not move to Little Rock, or something? I've heard that it's a nice place to live.

A tres bientot

P.S. Have you ever seen that anti-fungal commercial?? Ugh.

Now if that doesn't say "nice girl," what does?


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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.