|WEEK IN CRAIG: HEY INTERNERDS! MERRY PERVYMAS!|
Last week I waxed nostalgic on the birth of our lord and savior, Jes-iz-us hisself, cause, like, apparently that's the real meaning of Christmas, or something. This week (in an effort to add to the ever-growing shame of my mother) I'm going to tell you about what Christmas means to yours truly and then I swear, I'll shut the hell up about this damn holiday and get back to more important topics, such as my obsessive love for my favorite NFL twin pieces of hotness, Tiki and Ronde Barber
(Merry Christmas, ladeez).
Now, get your mind off of that Barber Sandwich for a moment, cause we're still (still?) talking about Christmas over here the tree has been trimmed (hubba hubba!), the halls have been decked (oo la la!), and the stockings have been stuffed (if you know what I mean, wink, wink, heh heh), and I'm suddenly finding myself wondering what perverts do for Christmas.
While the rest of us are busy wrapping presents and stuffing ourselves with Christmas ham and fruitcake, just what the hell are all of the, well, fruitcakes doing?
Where better place to find out than Craigslist (hello not-socialized-properly-pervs!)?
Hey internerds! Merry Pervymas!
i am baking some christmas cookies, and i'd really like a keg of beer
for me and my buddies to drink. if you can get a keg of beer over to my
house before 9pm, i will give you BJ.
bud lite is preferred.
This is why I totally heart craigslist this chick is baking Christmas cookies - the most vanilla of make-grandma-proud activities -- and she thinks to herself, "I know!, I'll post an ad on craigslist requesting that some dude bring over a keg (a keg! That's not even easy to get!) in exchange for a fucking blow job!"
Who, god help me, WHO thinks these things?
I mean, really, people when I'm making cookies (aka, when my roommate is making cookies and I'm assisting by, um, drinking vodka) what's usually going through my mind is something along the lines of "mmm! Cookies!" Never -- not even once -- have I ever thought to see if some random guy might want to come over and let me suck his cock in exchange for a keg.
Of bud lite, no less.
Although there's always a first for everything
This is the same advert you've been seeing for the past 10 days.Christmas Swingers Party taking place on Saturday 18th December at 9pm in a penthouse suite on the East side. Party will take place at 9pm. Party consists of dinner, drinks and dancing. The party is for couples only and only couples will be admitted. To be on the guest list you must supply two names as a couple. Then you are on the list. There is room for 30 couples. Please e mail for more details.
You know what's disturbing about this besides the obvious (Yay! Christmas is for swingers!) the fact that this person has posted this ad for TEN DAYS in a row. (Hellooooo crazy).
Listen, pervy pants, if nobody has rsvp'd for your little naked yule tide sexfest yet, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO NOW.
I mean, come on I like a good Christmas orgy as much as the next gal, but am I going to go to a craigslist humpathon?
Uh, I think I'll pass.
Have you ever fantasized about starring in your own erotic film? Would you like to surprise your man with a DVD of you that he'll want to play, over and over again? Maybe we can help each other. Experienced film maker with high quality equipment wants to experience directing an erotic film. You star in in, I shoot it, you get a DVD. Who knows, if you're really good, maybe we'll even sell it on the internet!
If I was a guy, you know what the number one thing would be that I'd want Santa to bring me for Christmas? A new PlayStation game? A Black and Decker wireless drill? A watch?
No, I'd want a DVD of my wife fucking some dude that she met on craigslist.
Best part of this ad? "If you're really good, maybe we'll even sell it on the internet!"
Hi I am going shopping today for my family and friends christmas gifts.
I am looking to meet a cute female for some shopping and nsa fun. I am
d/d free decent guy. I am looking to meet a woman any age for some fun
after shopping, maybe we can buy you something at Victoria Secret? If
you need a little holiday assistance with purchases or bills meet me at
the mall. I'll be there from about 11:30am for a few hours. Lets make
this a blind date sort of..... I'll come up to you and ask the time? you
ask if I'm craig and I'll say no my name is...... Then we can go off together
and chat and hopfully check into a local hotel for some stress relief.
If you have any questions I can give you 200 reasons to meet me. Lets
meet in front of Bath and Body Works. I'll try every 1/2 hour between
11:30 and 1pm.
Man, it suddenly makes sense to me why suicide rates are so much higher during the holiday season.
Merry Christmas, everyone! See you in 2005 (at the Bath and Body Works in Woodbridge. I'll be the chick asking if your name is Craig).