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  Amy Blair    

Now, I like trading my body for cheap, disposable goods as much as the next gal, but am I going to do it through the craigslist barter section?

Don't think so. Personally, I prefer the more traditional method of getting drunk, fooling around with some douchebag, and then stealing his watch at the end of the night. Now that's what I call bartering.

No, seriously. If you browse through the barter pages, you'll find that most people are looking to trade perfectly typical and mundane items … my digital camera for your iPod … my housecleaning services for your yard work … my hungry vagina for your polo mallet, etc. You get the point.

But, as with all things craigslist, there are some serious, serious crackheads out there looking to trade some of the most insane things imaginable. Take a stroll through the freak show, and believe me, they get weirder and weirder as they go along…


o.k. ladies here is the deal. i have gmail invites if anyone is interested, but i want to make an easy trade. See , i'm a personal trainer and i give massages if my clients need them, sometimes erotic if that is what they want.. Here is the thing i would love to trade gmail for massage,. erotic would be a plus. If you would be interested write back. i have pics to trade so don't worry. :) .. let me know what else you can offer if you're not into erotic massages? maybe we can work something out. Hope to talk soon. take care.

Ok, let me get this straight, Tom. You think someone is going to give you a happy ending massage in exchange for a (FREE) gmail invite? That's some serious wishful thinking, my friend.

On the other hand, I'm feeling really ripped off that I gave away my gmail invites for free. Hey guys (you know who you are) … you totally owe me a handjob.

Chun Geum Gak Healing Heart Necklace with Dahn Hak logo, pic! (downtown / civic / van ness)

I got this necklace when I lived nearby a Korean Yoga studio, and took classes there. The sweetest lady ran the place, and it had really nice energy. I've since moved away, and I miss the yoga practice! Anyway, I got some gourgous necklaces on my trip to the U.K. that I've been wearing these days, and this necklace has been just sitting around. I think it derseves to be worn!

The charm has the logo for the studio on it- Dahn hak it was called- and I was told that the meaning of the parts of the logo is heaven, earth, and humanity, and that the arrangement suggests harmony between them.

Well, I took this necklace with my on my trip the U.K. and brought it with me inside Stongehenge for a ceremony, were it was blessed. (which is unusual, because usually people only get to walk around Stongehenge, not go inside). It has a bit of that nice crystal clean enegy of Stongehenge with it!

The makers of this necklace state:
"Chun Geum Gak (Heaven, Gold, House) healing room is a special combination of minerals and other natural materials designed and proven to affect the flow of Ki-energy (Chi) in its vicinity. Often made into bracelets and necklaces to protect the wearer from negative energy emissions such as stray magnetic flux from high voltage sources, Chun Geum Gak will enhance your own natural healing abilities to greater heights and efficiency."

I can say that when I wore this necklace I definately felt energy sensation in my heart, and that I did seem to work on heart-chakra-related issues during those times.

The last time I checked, this necklace sold for $720.00

May this necklace bring healing to anyone who wears it!

$500 OBO or trade for ???

Hey, this chick's got a $5 fake gold necklace that she bought off some old lady in Chinatown. Who wants it?! It's, like, totally got an awesome energy to it and it will, like, seriously give you rockin' Ki-energy flow. Oh yeah, and it will, ya know, protect you from stray magnetic flux. If you wear it, you can work on your heart-chakra-related issues. She even had it blessed at Stonehenge (what the??).

So, if you've got $500 (or the equivalent in trade) burning a hole in your pocket, send this lady an email. She can be reached at, and she's actually got TONS of beautiful necklaces that will make you feel energy sensations in your heart … for the low, low price of just $500 (or trade).

make me a waterpipe (bong) and I'll cook or massage or you tell me

I have 2 glass bottles i need made into bongs. waterpipes. i need them drilled and done up with the stem and stuff.
you tell me what kind of food you want.. mught even give you a massage . am trained and certified in that.
talk to me. I havent had a bong in 4 yrs. !

Ok, buddy, after reading this ad there is no way in hell you're going to convince me that you haven't had a bong in four years.

And now, craigslisters, for the most disturbing barter you've ever seen … you've kind of got to read it twice to figure out just what the hell they want. But believe me, once you read it and figure it out, you'll never forget it. I'm so sorry for pointing this out to you. It's just that disgusting…

we pick, you get picked

PiCKerS of the WoRLd UniTE~

you know who you are. this is a posting for a barter of sorts. we pick. you get picked. it works out for everyone. pickers... you can't pass a mirror without resisting the urge. you might even sneak into the bathroom while at work~ kill some time, draw faces into the wallpaper patterns, and... pick! you pick when you're at your friends'
house using their bathroom. you pick til you bleed sometimes. you pick and make redness. you try to hide it but everyone knows-- you PICK til there's nothing to pick. you daydream of smearing butter or olive oil on your back to create a harvest artificially. you work at a sweaty carpentry job or greasy bike mechanic gig all day and intentionally don't wash- so you can pick. you pick before going to bed. you pick when you get home. you ask people to pick you. you ask to pick (milk, pump, squeeze out, express, remove, eliminate, eradicate, extrapate, eviscerate, pull up, uproot, grub up, rake out, weed out, route out, dig, extort, wrench, extricate, wring from and pluck out).

we are two sisters. slightly strange, but with good senses of humor and a penchant for mulligan stew. seeking your pores to pick, your minute openings filled with waxy subcutaneous humor. girls and boys, men and women (but must be at least 20). we'll consider really good adolescent acne though. face, back, neck, upper torsos only. the cloggier the better. we'll provide the witch hazel and cotton balls. also some banana bread and music to pick to. you provide the harvest. the bounty. the delightful stomas. non deodorant wearers only please. non sexual ofcourse, but we feel the need to mention this after a stupid response to a vacuum cleaner wanted barter ad we placed, where some jocky frat boy wanted full release massage in exchange for his (price changing throughout the conversation) electroluxxx. those are our only stipulations.

email me/us a photo please. and include brief answers to the following:
-your favorite song or songs
-what sorts of foods you eat generally (so we can mentally prepare for the products)
-drive or bike?
-do you put jelly ON your doughnuts?
-your worst picking incident ever
-placement of most embarrasing zit
-your age and what you do during the day
-a typical night time activity for you
-ever worn huaraches???
-cotton socks, nylon or wool?
-favorite food to cook
-do you worry what the back of your head looks like?
-what kind of lies do you tell (mention the latest one, no names please)
-what do you keep in your bottle cage?
-do you disappoint easily?
-would you rather sit next to someone who has strong BO or strong perfume??

(answer as many of the questions as you like, but be sure to include what the question was).

"You daydream of smearing butter or olive oil on your back to create a harvest artificially." Seriously, craigslisters? You people are fucking sick.


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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.