|WEEK IN CRAIG: LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG WAYS.|
Monday is Valentine's Day, which means I know what I'M going to be doing all weekend Blow jobs, blow jobs, blow jobs. It's, like, sooooooo hard being me!
Anyway, the week leading up to Valentine's Day is one of the best times of the year on Craigslist because it really brings out the crazy in people. It's like the full moon of the internet year. And, when you're talking about people who post Missed Connections, well, the pool of Crazy is just that much deeper.
So, this year in honor of the big V (and I swear, I'm not talking about my vagina), I offer up this nugget of advice to my less cum-enhanced readers: bust out the Cuervo, make a late-night bootie call to your slutty upstairs neighbor, and rejoice that you're not spending Valentine's Day with one of these freaks.
Hey there...just kidding about the bitchy part (yeah right!). I would love to meet a decent, NORMAL, single man in this city that is looking for something real. Are there ANY out there???? If you are seeking a one night thing, move on from this posting.
You should be 33-43, over 5'9, Jewish is a plus, mature yet playful and an all around terrific guy!!
Please send a photo and your basic info and I will reply with mine if I am interested. If you email me without a photo, I will not respond (AT ALL).
Looking for a bubbly (read: overcompensates for her looks with dramatically outgoing personality), sexy (read: eggplant boobs), Bitchy (read: misplaced resentment towards everyone prettier than her), Full Figured (read: fat ass) Girl (read: 38)? If so, there's a party in her full-figured pants, and you're invited. But only if you send a photo cause without one, she won't reply (AT ALL). Yo -- settle down there, scary lady.
The fates gave me Monday (Valentine's Day) off.
I'm looking to service all of New York's lovely hearts.
Expert deep-throating swallower here.
Into all type, as long as you are not overweight.
Foreskin gratefully worshipped.
Pic in you got one.
In reality, who doesn't love a cummy valentine? On the other hand, do you really want to be this 40-year old dude's cummy valentine? I never claimed to be a gay man, or to understand the allure of an expert deep-throating swallower, but I know that you have to sink low (so, so very low) to answer this ad no matter how much you want your foreskin to be gratefully worshipped.
P.S.: Foreskin worship? This guy REALLY loves his dick boogers.
Oh, honey. The holiday gets boring that you don't have a woman to spend time with? Did you really just say that? Wait, this year you hope you're looking for a woman (we've all gotta dream) who is smart, getting into fitness (but not yet into it?), talented, and honesty?
Oh master of the English language, I believe the word you want is "honest." If I were you, I'd give up on the hot chick (!!!) and find yourself a grammar manual. Oooooooh Snap, I said yo' mama.
Would you like to be wrapped in a big red bow with flame red heels
and be taken out for a Valentine's Day Cocktail? Oh yes, perhaps also
a Burberry so as not to overly arouse the attention of local prudes and
I can think of nothing in the world that I'd like less, actually, than to be dressed in a big red bow with flame red heels and a Burberry. Unless, of course, I was a contestant on Fear Factor and I had to do this while eating grasshoppers and there was $50,000 on the line. In which case, sign me up.
And now, for the number one reason to rejoice that you're single this Valentine's Day
Ok, so i've read the ten million post from people talking about their
gf/bf. I think it's cool to post nice things about your other half. For
Valentine's day, i've decied to tell my boyfriend that I am pregnant.
Wee! Hooray for "miscarragers!" Happy Valentine's Day everyone!