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  WEEK IN CRAIG: HOWDY, PARTNER.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

I'm fairly well satisfied with my life as long as I'm getting some action, and can get kinda drunk a few times a week. I don't need these so-called "activities" to have a good time. In fact, I'm going to be so bold as to say that "activities" are totally overrated. People who are really into, like, doing things, and stuff, like totally exhaust me. Which is why I'm so fascinated by the seemingly never-ending supply of New Yorkers who want to find activity partners in this city. The last thing on earth I want are more goddamned activity partners (blech), unless, of course, they're activity partners in tighty whities.

And yes, I admit, I'm still harboring fantasies leftover from those Tom Cruise in Risky Business-era days. So, without further ado, let's take those old records off the shelf, and start making fun of some craigslist ads…

Single women (45-60) needed - to form a Socializing/Man-hunting Group

Lets face it ladies, we know that going out alone in order to meet men can be quite intrepidating - but we know that the type of men that we are looking for will not simply appear on our doorstep. So, how about us joing forces to go to all the right places (socially) together to calculatively shop for the type of men that each of us are looking for.

I am puting together a very small private female only "Friendship Group" of Intelligent, tall, Attractive, elegantly dressed, culturally inquisitve single women between the ages of 45 and 60...our own mature "Sex in the City" sort of thing. And even though finding the right man for each of us is our main objective, we will also have fun becoming great friends, supporting each
other, while doing a lot of social activities, dinning out, cocktail hours,
operas, theatres, museums, travel, etc, etc. We will also be able to
communicate and share our thoughts with each other via the internet.

If you thing this is a unigue idea - contact me right away. This is going to be fun.

Alright, grandmas, yes, going out to meet men alone is totally "intrepidating." Because, seriously, I know what it's like trying to find dates when you don't have someone to "calculatively" shop for the right kind of dudes. (Could this woman possibly make up ANY more words?)

BUT, is forming your own mature Sex In The City really the answer? I think not. The rest of the population had to already suffer enough watching that old bitch Samantha prance around in her thong week after week on television -- must you make us suffer further by bringing this kind of behavior into our bars, restaurants, theaters, and museums? Have we not been punished enough?

Get yourselves some knitting needles and a shuffleboard, and get the hell to Boca Raton like normal old people! Oh wait…

Want to start lesbian popcorn & shuffleboard group soon

Well, I do.

I also have a ferret.

Calling all lesbians! Calling all lesbians! Who wants to eat popcorn and play shuffleboard with this chick and her ferret?! Wait, stop the lesbian stampede! One at a time ladies! Form a neat, orderly single-file line! Everyone will get a chance if you'll just stop pushing!

For this poor chick's sake, I'm praying that popcorn and shuffleboard with a ferret is gay-speak for some kind of super kinky girl-on-girl thing that I don't know about…but sadly, I somehow doubt it.

TACKLE FOOTBALL THIS WEEKEND IN THE EAST RIVER

LOOKING FOR EXTRA GUYS WHO WANT TO PLAY SOME SMASHMOUTH FOOTBALL. EMIAL ME FOR MORE INFO. BRING YOUR FRIENDS THE MORE THE BETTER.

Ok, this time I'm absolutely certain that smashmouth football in the East River MUST be gay-speak for some kind of super kinky boy-on-boy action. Please tell me it is? Please? I feel so repressively straight that I've never heard of it … in my day, it was all about leather man-thongs and anonymous BJs through glory holes. Now the kids need something called "smashmouth football in the East River?" What's up?

drum circle?

hey, are there any drum circles around here?
i used to get together with some people when i was in school and just drum and play with shaky things.. u know, get a groove goin on...outside in a park ... its gets rid of lots of aggression, and gives people a chance to hang with other equally chill people.
so, if anyone knows of any circles in the area, or want to start one, let me know, k?
thanks.

Oh, hippies. How you do so amuse me.

You want to just drum and "play with shaky things?" SHAKY THINGS? What the hell are shaky things? I think I need to be, like, twenty times higher than I am in order to understand. Oh misspent youth! How I miss thee…

Asian Party for the White Females

Hi,

I would like to organize a party for females who are interested in the asian males.

Please shoot me an e-mail with your gender and age.

Thanks.

Please do not send me an e-mail if you already did. -Thx again.

It's been so long since I went to an Asian party for the white females. I feel like such a total shut-in! I mean, ever since my totally favorite bar, Bellevue, changed ownership, I have been wasting away at home watching soap operas and eating Bon Bons. I don't know why it never occurred to me before to look for a social group that specifically catered to the white females … but damn, I've been missing out.

And, well, then there's this…

Visting NYC (on vacation) Need wing man to pick up vulnerable chicks..

SUp, I'm on vacation--Will be staying in nyc for the next couple of days...

I'm staying in a queens hotel--The spot that I'm at, the chicks seem to be very easy..ANy fellas wanna tag along and pick up these easy bangs?

just email me back

Pardon me, my ferret is calling. I've got to get back to my shuffleboard game.

 

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.