It's Tax Day, suckas, and if you're like me (a fellow sucka…sigh) you'll be waiting in line for seventeen hours this morning at the post office so that you can file a return for which you owe one bazilllllllllllllion dollars.
Two different accountants looked over my forms this year (I tried! Damnit, I tried) and both of them came to the same conclusion: "Don't cry, Amy." (So. Fucking. Pathetic).
Their suggestions as to how I could get out of paying?
- File as a small business owner (a drug dealer).
- File as a small business owner (a prostitute).
- File a joint return (get married … fast. To anyone with a better tax situation).
- Prove a major medical emergency (get a friend to beat the crap out of me … and take pictures of the outcome).
None of these suggestions seemed particularly lucrative … and so, I opted to pay. (None of my friends were up to the job of beating the crap out of me, despite numerous attempted lurings). (I tried! Damnit, I tried).
Fuck it. If you can't get out of paying your taxes (shitty accountants -- what good are they?) you might as well find an activity to take your mind off of things (or in my case, to dull the pain). Personally, I'll be enjoying a red wine, cocaine, and Marlboro cocktail to forget my April 15th troubles. But if that ain't yo' thang, how about one of these fun and exciting craigslist-inspired activities? One way or another, it's Tax Day. Time to get comfortably numb. Suckas.
WhateverDot in brooklyn is hosting
their Quarterally YuGiOh Tournament on
Friday April 15! @ 4pm
Prize is a Sealed box of YuGiOh Packs
Plus cash if 24+ people sign up!
We play by Advance (april 1) rules
Fee $5
Whateverdot
296 Atlantic Ave
Brooklyn
Atlantic ave and Smith St
718-596-4020
www.whateverdot.com
So, I've got like 40,000 nieces and nephews. Frankly, my siblings procreate so much, it's hard to keep them straight. But, the one thing they've all got in common is that they all play with these YuGiOh cards. Now, if you're not like me (don't have 40,000 nieces and nephews under age 11 and/or are not a gigantic huge fucking nerd) you probably have no idea what YuGiOh even is. So let me drop some knowledge (acquired from my seven year-old fan base). You see, when Aunt Amy gets really trashed, she's really receptive to learning about what her nieces and nephews are into. So one time when I had missed my bus back to the city after a particularly thrilling family barbecue in Jersey, the horde of children decided to teach me the ways of YuGiOh. Each of the kids had this huge stack of cards (which seemed akin to my obsession with Garbage Pail Kids back in 1985). Except, the cards were Japanese, and there was some sort of game involved in collecting the cards (and there was no card called "Acne Amy" or "Bloated Blair.").
Ok. So that's really all I can tell you about YuGiOh. But really, that should be enough. Adults playing with YuGiOh cards? Uhhhhhh, kinda, you need to get out more. Seriously. Love, Aunt Amy.
4/15: chakra loop breath meditation
April 15,
Chakra Loop Breathing Meditation
Essential Therapy
122 East 25 street between Park ave and Lexington,
(917-518-4400) http://www.TranceBreath.com
Subway: 6 to 23 street.
Friday, April; 7:30pm-10:30pm; $25
This guided, active interactive meditation workshop
is perfect for experienced meditators and beginners
alike. Dharma Giten and TranceBreath Team use breath,
movement, sound, role playing, free dance as well as
silent meditation to discover the depths of your true
self through consciously exploring your emotions.
Trance Energetic Breathing- an intense technique
developed from a synthesis of rebirthing, body therapy,
it triggers emotional release and strengthens the immune
system. Energetic blockages are cleared and peaceful,
silent awareness is attained. Don't forget to dress
comfortable and bring a bottle of water.
Woa. "An intense technique developed from a synthesis of rebirthing?" Uh, I'm fine with having been birthed but once. "Don't forget to dress comfortable and bring a bottle of water?" And there's no sex involved? Wha?
By the Light of the Moon
Open Mic for Women
hosted by the illustrious, hilarious Karen Broder!
Bring your sweet songs of love, the witty writings of your wounded
heart, pithy poems of contemporary confusion, and the incisive commentary
of your unique mind. As always, appreciative audiences augment the atmosphere.
Prepare to be inspired, incited, amused and delighted.Bring your piece,
or just come to enjoy an inspiring evening of WOMEN. Creativity and Comunity
hosted by Karen Broder. Sign-ups begin at 7pm or call 510-482-1315 to
pre-register (Occasionally the performance spaces will fill up early).
Sliding Scale for ALL in attendance is $3-7.
Date: Fri, Apr 15, 2005
Title: Open Mic for Women
Time: 7-9:30pm
Leader: Karen Broder
Cost: $3-7
SignUps: 510-482-1315
CHANGE MAKERS
Books , Gifts & Events for Women
6536 Telegraph Ave, Oakland, CA 94609
(2 blocks North of Alcatraz, 4 blocks South of Ashby
@ the corner of 66th & Telegraph)
ph: 510-655-2405 fax: 510-655-2408
Email: info@ChangeMakersForWomen.com
www.changemakersforwomen.com
Store Hours:
Open Daily 11am-7pm
"Bring your sweet songs of love, the witty writings of your wounded heart, pithy poems of contemporary confusion, and the incisive commentary of your unique mind."
I'm SOOOOOOOOOO there. God I miss those Ani DiFranco days…
4/15: Hott Chocolate Live Show
See the San Francisco Bay Area's hottest male exotic dancer live on the web!
Watch Hott Chocolate's Private Show kicking off this week!
His signature, sexy and seductive show will be available to view in the privacy of your home (or bedroom!) via the internet thru his website. Seductively dancing and teasing to the best of R&B and HIp Hop music, Hott Chocolate will definitely please the ladies...
Alright ladies, are you ready??? To view Hott Chocolate LIVE you must prepay and you will be sent a link to his LIVE show online! Visit http://www.hottchocolate.com for more details. To order his show directly go to:
http://www.hottchocolate.com/ChocolateZone.htm
Don't miss it!
Mmmm. Hott Chocolate. You sure do know how to take a girl's mind off Tax Day. Hubba, hubba.
Want More?
Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.
Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.
