back to the Black Table
  Amy Blair    

Some people just can't enjoy a thing for the simple sake of amusement … they've got to get all … Fatal Attraction over it.

They can't just watch The Lord of the Rings and think, "Hey, those were some pretty good movies. Cool special effects. Viggo Mortensen … yum!" No. They've got to watch the movies over and over again. Memorize the dialog. Know the name of every single sword. Name their dog Frodo.

They can't just be a Mets fan. They've got to methodically recite every single statistic for every single player who ever played in Shea Stadium … ever. They paint their homes blue and orange. They move to … Queens.

They can't just think that their cat is cute. They've got to decorate their homes with porcelain cat figurines. Wear sweaters with cat appliqués. Have cat-embroidered hand towels in the bathroom. Tattoo themselves and modify their bodies to look like a cat.

That's how some people are about their sacred website, craigslist. They treat it like the freaking Shroud of Turin. They can't just read the crazy posts, laugh, and move on. They can't just post a personal ad, accept the responses they receive, and deal. They've got to get all … psycho about it.

Like my mom used to say, hang onto your teeth, this week we're looking at the obsessive side of craigslist users. Let's boil some bunnies, kids.

Too all the uptight assholes who keep flagging people

Fuck off, and if you have that much concern over what people do with their lives then maybe you should pay their bills, rent, and pay for their food etc. If you really care that much about them and their lives I mean shit you should be taking care of them. If not stay the fuck out of their lives. I am white but I have a strong suspicion that it is the white and Jewish uptight pretentious assholes who are flagging my shit and other peoples shit. Black people have their faults but I have noticed when rich white people and Jewish people are on vacation away from New York I don't get flagged as much. What are you guys a bunch of mini bloombergs-grow the fuck up. Who the fuck has time to go in a forum and discuss poor girls who are trying to marry up and how to flag them. I don't see you flagging all the johns on this sight.

After Ebay bought craigslist out they will never be the same. It is all over. Now CL has become AOL. Oh we are bored let's put the on iggy. Fucking aholes.

You know, this guy might be onto something here. I've noticed the same thing! Every year during that time-honored exodus known as Annual Rich White People and Jewish People Vacation Week, I totally get flagged so much less! There's got to be a correlation!

Oh forget it. Let's put the on iggy!

Craigslist personals: more loneliness and despair than a Kafka novel

Oh, the humanity! I have been clicking around the various "personal" sections of this site for the past hour or so, and I must say: the level of collective angst, desperation, emotional need, and pain bubbling just beneath the surface is staggering. It's like a David Lynch movie, only without any midgets. I was in a decent mood before, but now I just want to blow my fucking head off. Speaking of which, if Kurt Cobain were alive today, I think he would be writing songs about the psychic torment of the Craigslist community. I haven't seen agony and despair like this since communist-era Russia. This site should have pop-up ads for Prozac and vodka.

My point... what was my point? Oh yes -- let me say, from the bottom of my heart:

To all the "young, great looking, well-hung" guys that are feeling horny and alone and thought that some hot random woman might want to drop by your apartment and fuck you: yeah right, go back to sleep. She ain't coming.

To the "hot, blonde, petite woman" who just "needs" a Brazilian guy over 6'1" with an 8-inch cock, a substantial income, and no "diseases or drama": well, honey, as long as you are so incredibly open-minded about it, I'm sure you will find true love...

To the "28yo, SWM nice guy" complaining that he can't get a date: join the fucking club, buddy. Neither can I.

To the "missed connection" guy who thought he "shared a moment" with that chick at Trader Joe's: bro, she was just there buying her soy milk. She probably didn't even see you.

To all the guys who claim to be into "tantric sex" and massage and just want a partner to "share" it with: guess what, you are not fooling anyone. Dressing it up in spiritual terms does nothing to disguise the fact that you just want to get laid. Again, join the club.

I realize that my advice is worthless, but I thought you might take comfort in the fact that I care.

Wow, you're so right … if Kurt Cobain were alive today, he'd so totally be writing songs about…the "psychic torment" of the craigslist community? That's, like, so totally deep.

Oh, the humanity! Oy.

I have a geat idea to stop all the childish posting on here

CL should have people register with a credit card that can verify the poster is of legal age, and maybe have a brief profile. That would stop the idiot white 13 year olds that post the I Hate Cracka, I'm a pimp and I hate whitey, it will stop the posting of 50 pictues of fat chicks daily and it would do away with people harassing others through the dircet email account, like that idiot Hed2Hed was doing among others. I think that if there were less 12 year olds, there would be less sniper cat bullshit and more actual Rants and Raves. There is nothing ranting or raving about a picture of a cat 1000 times with a helmet on his head, or 50 postings daily about the comedy stylings of Jackie Mason. Is it me, or has Craigslist turned to shit. There could still be a childs table for losers that want to post that shit. Lets get on with the rantin.

Yeah, because people NEED craigslist Rants and Raves soooooooo badly that they'd be willing to register with a credit card and create a profile in order to read the idiotic gripes of random strangers. Besides, what is craigslist, really, without 1000 pictures of a cat with a helmet on his head, I Hate Cracka postings, and fat chicks?

One way to avoid all of the "sniper cat bullshit?" Get a life, maybe?

And then there's this guy…

One-Sided Posts on Craigslist - What's The Deal?

What's the deal with all these one-sided/snotty/demanding posts on Craigslist?

Are all those who post WITHOUT a picture undercover lovers, closeted bisexual or married men?

Or are they all picture collectors who have NO INTENTION of ever meeting? There are many websites with free downloads, why not watch those free mini porn movies and download the accompanying 'too good to be true' pictures of erotic models and adult film stars?

. . . crazy world in which we live.

This just makes my brain hurt.


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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.