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  Amy Blair    

Not to be outdone by these lovely lasses, I've got a little Cinco de Mayo story of my own to tell in honor of yesterday's fiesta. Thankfully for my lazy ass, you're all probably nursing tequila hangovers from last night and operating on partial brain activity, so I don't have to try that hard this week. So to keep it simple, here's a story about a guy fucking a Corona. No shit.

A couple of years ago my friend Jenny and one of her friends from law school came to New York to visit. After a couple of drinks, he called one of his friends and the two of them decided to fag hag us up, and take us to a gay club, glory holes and all. After waiting in line for a few minutes outside and being told that we were the bravest bitches in the city, we entered into what Rick Santorum imagines when he thinks about Hell. Needless to say, we were in heaven.

After about an hour of grinding on the dance floor with the hottest, gayest guys New York City has to offer, a man approached us and asked us if we wanted to see a trick. Why not?, we asked, shrugging our shoulders with wonder. Placing a Corona on a chair, he proceeded to drop his pants. Presumably pre-lubed, without much coaxing he sat down on the bottle and butt-fucked it like a seasoned pro. Quite a trick, indeed. After about a minute, he removed the Corona from his backdoor, gave us a smile, lifted up the bottle and said 'Cheers.' With that, he drank down the rest of the beer and walked away.

Cinco de Mayo -- ole!

A Few Hottie Brunettes & your friends for Cinco de Mayo Festivities

Well, admittedly none of us are Mexican (although we are olive skinned brunettes), but we aren't Irish either, and still we whoop it up on St. Paddy's. Some of us gals, and yes, we are pretty, all have fab careers, blingy, smart and super fun, are going out for Cinco de Mayo thursday for some margaritas and Mexi munchies.....of course, wouldn't it be great if you knew the absolute best place to go in the City to really make the most of celebrating our fine neighbors Independence Day. You must know a great place, don't you?

  1. If I am ever caught describing myself as "blingy, smart and super fun" please just kill me. Shoot me in the head. Just get it over fast.
  2. If I ever use the phrase "and still we whoop it up on St. Paddy's" -- again, kill me. Smash me over the head with a heavy object. I will deserve it.
  3. If I ever describe my career as "fab," I'm asking for it. Really give it to me
  4. If I am ever to describe nachos as "Mexi munchies" that should be translated as "Please push me in front of a fast-moving truck. Thank you."

Hitchhiker's Guide to My Pants! - 24

Hah, sorry -- I just thought a post with that title would be pretty funny. It's a pretty slow night, I guess. OK, I was invited out for Cinco De Mayo, but the kid inviting me out was Jewish so it just didn't feel like an authentic way to spend the Mexican holiday. Instead, I mowed a few lawns and had sex with underage girls. Just kidding, just kidding. I'm actually giving up alcohol for a week so I stayed in -- yes, it's been a very slow week.

I'll talk about myself a bit. I'm a "serious artist" who likes to write and direct films. That's my passion. My day job is marketing shitty products to unsuspecting people in the midwest. I think it's pretty awful, tricking people into buying crap- but at least I'm getting revenge on the red states. I'm not really a "Serious artist" - I'm serious about my art but I'm not pretentious and I have a pretty odd sense of humor. I'm also a fat transvestite. OK, half of that statement was false - I bethca you superficial hipsters are thinking "I hope he's just a transvestite!" ;) So, here I am, waiting to be picked up by a craigslist girl or a middle aged man pretending to be a girl. Any takers?

Hey, you're right … the title of your post is funny! FUNNY IF IT'S OPPOSITE DAY. (OH snap).

In other news, you are a fat, transparently racist telemarketer. Good luck getting a date!

cinco de my hole - 27

Hot here and looking for same to fuck me. tall white skinny and hung, into white or latino guys under 30 that can host. send your pic and stats for mine.

And the oh-so-clever titles continue! You people are on FIRE today!

I need a Cinco date with a skinny model - 28

Please be fun .

And I need a million dollars, a new car, and a lifetime supply of Thin Mints. Shut the fuck up.

cinco di mayo!!!!!! latina...around the way girls - m4w

whats up ladies?!!? not much here i was looking at all these ads on craigslist and thought to myself fuck it i'll write my own. Heres the deal i got a good job, d&D free etc and i want to kick it with the around the way girls........i'm 6ft brn hair blu eyes italian american. I want to meet a sexy latina that wants to help me celebrate cinco di mayo on my rooftop.....great view of the city have a few drinks and if we click we'll go from there. I dont want a relationship to be honest a fuck buddy is ideal.....please be intellegent, clean, cool..420 friendly, ready to dance and have stamina. Afterwards if its good we can set it up agian 21-30 yrs old you wont be disappointed.......dont be shy reply!!!!! Ciao

You need an around the way girl? Uh, ok L.L. Cool J.

As intriguing as your offer is, I think I'm going to have to say … ciao.

Cindo de Mayo Celebration -- in MY MOUTH! - 39

I'll be celebrating Cinco de Mayo with some buds -- and tequila ALWAYS makes me horny! Who wants to stop by my place on West 21st and take advantage of my HOLES later tonight?

39, 5'8", 170, nice build, excellent mouth and ass, gifted and getting men off.

Send PICS, will reply with mine. Please include STATS in first email.

Oh, you crazy gay men and your HOLES! You guys crack me up.

Happy day-after Cinco de Mayo everyone! Keep those Coronas coming.


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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.