back to the Black Table
  Amy Blair    
  It's Friday the 13th, which means that I'm not exactly expecting a machete-wielding Jason Vorhees to jump out at me every second, but I am, admittedly, slightly on edge. I'm not a superstitious person, but for whatever reason, bad luck does seem to follow me. Therefore I don't take any unnecessary chances.

How many people do you know who can say that a tree has fallen on their house THREE different times (at three different houses) while they were inside sleeping? I, unfortunately, can honestly make that claim.

In the past couple of years I have been on some nice vacations - and you know what every single one of them had in common? Unseasonable snowstorms. No, not just snowstorms - blizzards. In Ireland in March. In Germany in April. In Tokyo in November. Does my bad luck bring the snow? It would seem that way, yes.

I nearly froze to death once in Minnesota on a night that I was stuck outside when car engines were too frozen for anyone to come get me. I very nearly drowned once in Texas. I got stuck at the top of the parachute ride at a Six Flags for nearly two hours. A plane that I was on was once struck by lightning.

I'm an unlucky charm, I know it. Exactly two black cats have crossed my path in my life. Very Bad Things followed in their wake.

It's Friday the 13th, and I don't care how dumb it is, it's spooky. Especially on craigslist, folks. Lock your doors, keep an eye on your children…craigslist is haunted this week.


On May 11, 1949, a boy walked home from school in England. On that day he came across a strange woman that appeared to him through the thick fog. The woman startled him, as she stopped on the street with a firm press of her hand on his shoulder. Slowly and disctintly, she whispered these words in his ear: To avoid the bad dreams you've been having, tonight, and forever, write on paper the following chant:

Wickedy wickedy woo,
wickedy wickedy why,
dark spirit, stay back,
dark spirit you are bound from attack,
wickedy wickedy woo,
wickedy, wickedy why,
dark spirit find another,
to curse with nightmares until the
end of time.

Pass the paper to anyone who does you harm and they shall be made uncomfortable with bad dreams.

I'm reading this post and I'm asking myself wickedy wickedy why this freak is posting this crap on craigslist. It's beyond me, folks. It's beyond me.

(Confidential to blacktable editors who complain that my column is always late: Sweet Dreams!).

I Need to Chemically Castrate a Man Without him Knowing It (Horror chambers)

I have a guy who wants to be my slave and this is what he wants. To be castrated but not surgically. How do you do this? Any (mad) scientists in the house?

Have you ever woken up one morning and suddenly realized that your sex life can be easily described as a Horror Chamber and you're considering the possibility of chemically castrating a man who wants to be your slave? Honey, when this happens to me I usually drink some Jim Beam, take a couple of Vicodin, and konk out for about twenty-four hours. When I wake up I'm slightly nauseated, my toes are numb, and I have no idea what day it is. But it cures the need to castrate your man every single time. I suggest you try it sometime.

Let me donate - m4w

I am liquid...... looking for a lucky female donate too. I am good looking in great shape just very busy working all the time. Please send me a picture and reasons why you should be the one.

Ahh, what every woman dreams of…an anonymous, overworked, good-looking liquid looking to donate himself to her.

"Let me donate." Oh, how that sets my loins on fire every time!


GREAT GUY SEEKS GREAT GIRL!Are you having a nice day?Nice to meet you
What's new? The day is bright and you are too.
I need to say that I love you. When the dark wind blows and many fear,
It's good to know that you are near.The more I learn about you the more I know.
That in my heart, our love does grow!

Wow, you're like, totally not a psycho killer or anything. It's, like, perfectly A-OK to write in a personal ad "I need to say that I love you. When the dark wind blows and many fear, It's good to know that you are near."

That is seriously scary, man. Do us all a favor, and go back to the dark little hole from which you came.

JUST SEX!!!! NSA - 22

I am a 22 year old male straight looking for NSA i will be in brooklyn in 1Week on friday may 13th and i need some1 to have fun with i need some pussy when i get down there and i dont care if its 2girls and me or a straight guy and a girl i just want some pussy when i get down there i have a pic of me and i have pix of my dick so if u r serious about sex with me then write me back and send ur pic and i also cannot host but i will be willing to drive to whereva u r located so get at me soon. Females or couples (Stright male&female)only

What better way to spend your Friday the 13th than with Mr. JUST SEX!!!!?

"i need some pussy when i get down there and i dont care if its 2girls and me or a straight guy and a girl i just want some pussy when i get down there..."

I hear ya, brother. Loud and clear. Pussy. You need some. And you've got pix of your dick. Got it.

And to sum it all up kids…

I'm scared! (AHHHHHH!)


Join the club, buddy. Join the club.

Want More?

Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.


Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.