|WEEK IN CRAIG: A CENTURY OF EXCELLENCE.|
So this is my 100th column. In honor of having written 99 of these fuckers, I have decided to take the week off. Awww, snap! So, instead of writing this thing (bo-ring!), I have decided to give you, my vaguely mentally unbalanced readers, a little gift and so, in the time-honored sit-com tradition of the Very Special Episode, I present to you, gentle (yet socially incapacitated) readers, a Behind The Scenes look into The Week In Craig.
And so, without further ado, I present to you the The Blair Mailbag
File it under: I hate the Yankees, and I hate your fucking guts, Amy Blair
File it under: I love you, Amy Blair (or I at least want to show you my wang)
OK here's the deal.
I read your articles on blacktable.com and think they are not only usually funny but interesting. I have an idea. In one of your articles you said:
"Don't get me wrong -- I'm as game as the next gal to see a couple of "goodlooking" guys stroke their cocks..."
I am a goodlooking married guy (notice there are no quotes around goodlooking) that really would like to stroke it in front of a nice female. I was thinking since you are "game" for this I'd be your subject and not only would it be fun but you could write about it. Obviously as long as I remain anonymous. I really am a normal goodlooking 34 year old guy. And you would not have to travel to Gallery Motel in Sayreville, N.J. We could do it right here in Manhattan.
Come on! Well let me know.
Take Care -
File it Under: I have written you a poem, Amy Blair, and I'm totally not a psycho-killer or anything, I swear
Amy, I have composed for you a poem because you deserve it. Enjoy.
Ode to Amy
To preface: it's Friday, I'm at work and bored;
File it under: You don't deserve to breath the same air as Dave Matthews, you stupid cunt, Amy Blair
So sorry. Someday some phat dude (assuming you like doods) will turn you out and turn you over, and you won't have to bitch any more, girl.
You just need some hotness, woman, then Dave Matthews won't matter
relax, it seems like that black table of yours is stuck in your ass
sideways or something. i stumbled across this article, unfortunally. maybee
you should do something more productive with you time instead of writing
crap. I think your beloved MTV is starting to effect your brain. i mean
i can't believe you watch MTV. well you must be an adolecent. understood.
well you better get back in front of the tv so you dont miss britney's
You are the most ignorant person to have ever existed. Yes, it is understandable that you can dislike Dave Matthews and his music. A lot of people do and they are entitled to their opinions. But you give no real reasons why he should shit on a plate and eat it. You mock the man for ridiculous gestures. Shame on you and I hope you are the first person to eat his shit.
its "Save me, Mr. WALKING man" u idiotic blonde bitch! his
music is damn good and i dont give a fuck what assholes like u think.................just
be glad the Dave Matthews never has to read u wrote.....................if
i had seen that article (if u even call it that.............as a writer
i am even more offended) sooner, trust me, u would have gotten it
File it under: Thank you for explaining certain matters concerning sex, Amy Blair
I've been reading your column and it's great.
What does "rainbowing" mean? Is it about puking or something?
Amy, I like your style. You have been helpful in directing me away from kissy kissy sweetie pie language when what i really want is a gal to plow me from behind. Now i know how not to beat around the bush.
Thanks for the good tip
File It Under: I'm going to make your day, Amy Blair
Greetings from Baghdad
File it Under: Jennifer Garner is like soooooooo much hotter than you, Amy Blair
Subject: This is me sticking up for Jennifer Garner
sounds like you need to get laid.
Subject: Jennifer Garner Review Thingee
shut the fuck up and stop writing shit about her.
Shes only lead 2 major movies, shes got one tv series and 13 going on 30 was a classic comedy, no matter what some stupid cynical bitch says about a movie shell never see on the net.
And your only jelous because your fat and ugly and your ex boyfriend liked her.
File it under: Amy Blair, Star Wars geeks are just like you
You want to get stoned and watch friday every day. Some guy wants to dress up as a stormtrooper every now and then and watch star wars. Both of you want to escape reality. One of you posts comments on craigslist and has fun. One of you mocks them and feels superior. Who's superior?
I feel your boyfriends pain.
File it under: Most men would dream of getting emails like this one, Blair
I would just like to state for the record that not all girls who aren't into anal don't do it because of morals or because they're "nice" or whatever. I consider myself a pretty bad girl: I like public sex, have participated in group sex, had sexual experiences with other women, and and fucked my fair share of men pretty much every way imaginable. While I have tried anal sex on several occasions, and don't mind the occasion rubbing or licking of the asshole, I refuse to let men stick their dicks in my butt, because I know IT HURTS LIKE HELL. And yes, I've heard from a few sources that eventually it stops hurting, but frankly, I'm not willing to make the pain sacrifices to get there. And I'm sick of the porn industry and all you girls who do grit your teeth and bare it telling me that I'm a "nice" girl because of my decision. I'm from the South and I live in the Midwest; I know what real "nice" girls look like.
I hope you have all enjoyed this little foray into the magical world that is in my life. If you're in New York, stop by the big Black Table party tomorrow evening and punch me in the face, or something. Oh, but please don't ask my friends about my Chewbacca costume, my Jennifer Garner posters, my Dave Matthews CDs or my Manny Ramirez baseball card collection. Cause that would be, like, so totally embarrassing.