Do you ever get the feeling you could really use a permanent vacation?

So, I just got back from a quick five-day trip to the Midwest for a friend's wedding. It was a great vacation, but I was thoroughly exhausted and hungover from the five-day bender that I've come to associate with people's nuptials. And so, I was feeling happy to be home again.

My first day back, I hopped on the D train at Grand Street, heading into Brooklyn -- a subway ride most notable for the long trip across the Manhattan Bridge to Atlantic Avenue with no stops and locked subway cars. Meaning, once you're in a car, there ain't no getting out. Until you hit Brooklyn.

So there I was, my first day back in New York, and I hop on the nearly-empty train early in the morning, glad to be back. About 30 seconds after the train leaves the station (locking me in) a man gets up and leaves his seat in the corner of the train and sits directly in front of me. Strange, I think, but continue to read and ignore him. Fifteen seconds later I hear a familiar sound that sends a shiver of horror down my spine … I hear … oh God, it's too hard to repeat … I hear … pissssssssssssssssss.

Looking up, I realize that the man is sitting in the seat directly in front of me, staring at me with a look of wild, self-satisfied glee, taking the world's most enormous leak all over himself, the seat, and the floor between us.

Needless to say, I jumped up and ran to the other end of the car and huddled in the corner with the other two horrified passengers, watching the slow river of urine make it's way down the car towards our helpless feet.

Thankfully, the crazy man proceeded to tip over and pass out right after pissing himself -- and my fellow subway-riders and I managed to avoid both the urine foot bath and any further demented antics.

Anyway, thanks, New York, for the big fat Welcome Home. Sigh. I need another vacation.

SEEKING WEALTHY PARTNER IN CRIME FOR ULTIMATE IBIZA VACATION - 37

- w4m (miI am hungry and passionate for Ibiza. I experienced the time of my life on this idyllic isle for the previous 5 party seasons!
Unfortunately I am in financial straits this year :(
But my heart is yearning for paradise .
If you are a wealthy, handsome,open-minded, energetic man and want to experience the ultimate summer vacation in paradise, I am your woman!
I am very energetic 37 y.o. red head, 5' 7, with a sexy slender figure!
I am free spirited and posess a myriad extravagant designer outfits that complement my sexy figure to it's utmost.
I know all the "IT" Happening Clubs, Sparkling Beaches and Gourmet Restaurants.
If you crave fun and frivolity, are secure and brave enough to be with a woman who, attracts a lot of attention and wants to dance until dawn and soak up the sun and fun in vacation Utopia please contact me.
Lets have fun like no tomorrow.!
PS I am a European living in New York City.

Wow, a whole myriad of extravagant designer outfits that compliment your sexy figure to its utmost?! That's a whole shitload of extravagant designer outfits, girlfriend. I mean, I've got two -- maybe three -- extravagant designer outfits that compliment my sexy figure … but a whole MYRIAD? Wow. You go girl, with your extravagant designer outfits that compliment your sexy figure. You go.

2 lesbians + 1 slave = quite a nice vacation.

Well, here's a unique opportunity for the right slave. Serve the needs of a lesbian couple when we go away. If you've never experienced 24/7 servitude before, this just may be your chance to try it on for size.

It:
We're hoping to get a weekend away sometime in the very near future, followed by a slightly longer excursion later in the summer. We're not sure where we're going yet, but I'm liking the idea of a road trip to someplace quiet.

Us:
I'm the Domme. She's my girlfriend. I'm an exhibitionist; she likes to watch. I'm in my early 30s, and she's in her mid-20s. We're both ridiculously short and appear far more innocent than reality supports, but that's pretty much where the physical similarities end. I'm pale, quirky, curvy, and feminine. She's very petite, Asian, and tomboyish, with a killer smile. You probably won't be touching either of us, unless it's to help me put my shoes on. We're smart women with great senses of humor. About 75% of our time together is spent laughing.

You:
You'll be sleeping on the floor, likely tied to something solid. You'll ride in the back seat, you'll carry what needs carrying, and you'll be available for any needs that arise. You'll probably be teased to no end. Oh, and while I'm fetish-friendly, I do not take requests. Ever.

You're someone we could easily enjoy dinner with, if circumstances were different. That means you've got a lively intellect with a sense of humor to match. You're interested in lots of things. You're a good listener. You're eager to please. You're submissive but not a bowl of Jell-o. If you're a little bit eye-candy-ish, that's a plus, but it's not strictly necessary. It'd be swell if you'd share vacation costs, but again, it's not strictly necessary.

Interested?
Reply with lots and lots (and lots) of detail about yourself and what you find appealing about such a vacation. Tell me what you envision yourself doing to make us happy. Tell me specifically when and where you're able to meet in the next couple of weeks for introductions. Include pictures if you've got them. Don't forget the LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of detail about yourself. When in doubt, keep typing. And then type some more.

Attention Eye-Candy: Wanna spend your summer putting the Birkenstocks on two short "wild" lesbians in cargo shorts and polo shirts in such exotic road trip vacation locales as Upstate New York and "Rhode Island?" Well here's the opportunity of your dreams! They'll even let you sleep on the floor and carry their luggage! "Quite a nice vacation," indeed.

Morning Cum Splat - 39 (petaluma)

What a great morning, cool and wet. Would love to suck your dick and take a load in the kisser. Sounds like a nice way to spend a vacation day.

Great looking, light brown hair, green eyes, clean cut athletic looks, 6 ft. 180, masculine and sane. Petaluma near downtown. Wanna host and smell your crotch in my face.

Pic for Pic

Yup. When I think "vacation," I think "taking a load in the kisser." Who doesn't, really?

P.S. Wanna host and smell your crotch in my face. Jesus H. Christ.

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.