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  Amy Blair    

My poor little cat, Ping, has a brain made of noodles. She's cross-eyed, has a short, stubby little tail, and frequently falls off the furniture. She kicks herself in the head about once a week and causes herself to bleed. Once, she set herself on fire.

She spends most of her free time hiding underneath a chair in my living room. Apparently, the world is a very scary place when you weigh 8 pounds, can't see straight, and have no sense of balance.

Everyone loves simple little Ping. It's impossible not to. She's a particularly loveable animal. Except for one itsy, bitsy, teeny little thing. For the past two days, Ping has taken it upon herself to pee on my hard wood floor directly next to her litter box instead of in her litter box. If you've ever slipped in piss at 6:30 a.m. while you're heading to the shower, half-awake, with your eyes barely open…either you have lived in a fraternity, or you have a pet. Either way, you know that this is a problem.

This week we're forging ahead into uncharted territory and busting out the cat urine Slip N' Slide (Party! Party!)…and heading into the craigslist pets. Surprisingly, the Pets section ain't nothin' but drama. Who knew? I thought it would be all, like, nice and shit. But this is craigslist, after all. Nothing's innocent.

Fake People

Reputable Breeder?
Backyard Breeder?

You know what I have come to realize, there are alot of fake ass animal activists on here. Let me guess, you are also against abortion but are for the death penalty, correct? Alot of you people are JERKS and I call alot of you on BULLSHIT. You all need to stop using obscenities, questioning peoples judgement, abilities and so forth. If you have a problem with any of it, take a look at the CraigList terms of agreement. In it, it states (paraphrased), if you dont like what you see, get off. Thats what most of you wannabe's should do. You know what, Ima give you another option, you can either get off CL or buy everything you disagree with and give those cute lil animals a home you deem is safe. Which I highly doubt. You are probably the ones locking them up in the basements at night.

Go breed yourself a new way of thinking and get out of that box you have been living in your whole life.

Oh SNAP! She said Yo' Mama!

All y'all fake ass animal activists need to get your shit OFF the internet and quit your bullshit obscenities and give a hamster a safe home!

Don't MAKE me bust the craigslist code of conduct out on your ass.

what is she doing??

I rescued this cat (4 years old) last march. She is such a good girl. I made a very good home for her. She's very low key but just about tolerates my bulldog that tries to intimidate her every now and then. BUT...every night (at 4am!!) she feels the need to knead my head and paw me. She rubs her furry face on mine and therefore wakes me up. This happends every night ( I know cats are nocturnal- but this is crazy). I scoot her away in my sleep but she comes back rubbing her furry face in mine, pawing my face and/or head.

What does this mean. How can I get her to stop so i can sleep.....

My cat does this, too. Sometimes it's worse than having a baby. Except for one thing. When you've got a baby you can't just take a shitload of drugs and zonk out and pretend it doesn't exist (god damn those child protection laws!).

Here's to cats instead of babies. Just a pop a few pills before bed and you'll never know that Fluffy is pawing your head all night. Cause, like, if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody there to hear it, does it, like, even happen?

Please buy my dog

I have a 2 ounce teacup dog for sale which I just bought yesterday but now my landlord says I can't have a dog. He says this every time I get a dog! It's really annoying. So now I need to sell this dog and recoup some money. I would like $2,000 for it because I know you can't even get pet quality dogs for $1,000 and this dog came from a reputable pet shop and the parents were in a lot of shows. At least I think their pictures were shown on some websites - people call them puppymill dogs but how many dogs get to have their pictures on the internet? Those dogs should be happy!

and please don't say that I'm supporting puppy mills because if you say that YOU are responsible for more dogs being born, I'm certainly not responsible just cause I bought this cute little dog at the pet shop. In fact I hope someone buys it fast so I can buy another one and be told by my landlord I can't keep it. (I'm not too bright)

oh, and the dog is "rare" "teacup" "champion line" "doll faced" (actually I don't know what those things mean but I like to say them because I think it'll help sell the dog)

These scumbags in the craigslist pet section make me soooooooo mad I've got to like totally write a sarcastic ad mocking how dumb they all are for trying to sell their puppy mill dogs!

People have so much time on their hands, it's shocking, really.

does anyone know how to attach pictures?

seriously, some of you are attaching pictures to your posts. Please share your knowledge with me

So, if you've never posted something on craigslist (I swear, I did it for scientific research for this column ONLY, and not because I wanted total anonymous butt sex, or anything) you might not be aware that when you actually post the ad it gives you explicit instruction regarding attaching pictures.

Anywho. People are geniuses.

Looking for halloween costume parties for pets . . .


I'm putting together a city-wide list of halloween costume parties for pets. Please let me know which ones you recommend. . .

And again, these pet owners on craigslist have WAY too much time on their hands. Not only do you actually want to go to a costume party for pets…but you're taking the time to put together a city-wide list of said parties?

More than one even exists? For fuck's sake.

And speaking of pets wearing costumes…

I 2nd this RE: Stop arguing and LETS GO YANKEES!!!!

I predict Yanks VS CARds 2006 WS

Good times, good times.


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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.