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  WEEK IN CRAIG: A SPECIAL LITTLE "I WUV YOU" TO MY POOKY BEAR.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

I know that you're all expecting a very spooooooooky Week In Craig today in honor of Halloween … but I thought better of it (that was like so 2004!). This week, instead of ghosts and goblins, I'm going to write about something really REALLY scary … no, not back-to-back Red Sox/White Sox World Series victories (apocalypse, anyone?) … no, not Hillary Duff's gigantic new face … no, this week I'm talking about the scariest thing of all … Luv (sigh).

You see, this Sunday is my anniversary with my Honey Bunny (awwww!). So, as a special little "I wuv u!" to my Pooky Bear, I have decided to remind him why I'm the GREATEST girlfriend EVER … by pointing out other people who suck! (Confidential to Monkey Face: Not only am I not as crazy as these psychos, but you can totally touch my fun bags later!).

Happy anniversary to me! Whoopee! Hoorah!

What can I say? I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

Here's to love. Or whatever.

lovely and amazing - 29

this is for us. the us that I have created. the us that I have carried with me since I first laid eyes on you. I thought my "him" was you. I still do. the "him" that I thought was my "one." the us that I will be leaving shortly. there are so many things that I would like to whisper before my mind's departure but I don't think you would understand. understand my truth. the truth that rolls off my tongue without a voice. my voice. the truth that I have been hoping that I would find. the truth that I have wanted to shout since the beginning. I am standing right here. wishing that this could be the day that you will turn to me without any doubt. I will miss you. especially you. you will always be my lovely and amazing.

Hey kids, let's play a game called Ninth Grade Poetry Teacher! How many examples of poetic poop can we find in one ad?

  1. So many fragments, so few capital letters.
  2. Repeating the words "truth," "voice" and "you" for dramatic effect is … well … the opposite of dramatic. It's boring.
  3. "You will always be my lovely and amazing." This is not good.
  4. This simply does not make sense. I read it six times. Honestly. It doesn't make sense.

oh god. - w4m

you married her.

and i'll never stop loving you this way.

This would be tragic, except … it's a freaking craigslist ad! Are you trying to elicit anonymous sympathy emails from the Craigslist Loney Hearts Gang? Sadly, I bet it worked. Astonishingly well.

So...... - w4m - 32

So... I like you. And based on things you've said, I think you like me...but you know what?----and this is just writing it as I'm feeling it, as it's happening, just gave me a pause.
1. all the stuff you say, may be for real.
2. all the stuff you say is mere innocent flirtation
3. all the stuff you say you say to all the other girs you "befriend'/ IM
4. I'm going through waaaaay to much shit in my life for this to matter,
5. If your initial is B....respond by posting a number.... 1 through 4, and my initial. No email.
Whatever....

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to point your attention to the fact that the writer of this post is … 32. That's right. Not 12. 32.

All I can say is … wow. I bet she enjoys making slam books and playing M.A.S.H. in her spare time as well. (God, I miss middle school sometimes).

And speaking of missing things …

Still missing you

Ive dropped enough hints and messages here, you know where I am tonight I wish you were here, Im empty and lonely without you. I fucked up I know J

This place isnt the same without you, I feel like im cheating on you, my fucking pride wouldnt let me pick up the phone instead to leave you messages here and I know your reading them, Im tortured

Oh, lord, tortured shmortured. Best part about this ad? "This place isn't the same without you, I feel like im cheating on you."

This place? As in … Craigslist? Ha! Oh god, that's so funny, it's sad.

What can I say???.........................from V - w4m

How I feel about you is too tremendous for words. Its like the bitter sweet tales of great jazz music: thick dripping visions of love affairs. The piano vibrates in me.

We've both done things we never thought we would. I for one would do evrey single one of those things and more, for just a chance to be with you.
"The Rules" just don't seem to apply to you.
I suspect you know how I really feel...... I wonder..... why did we meet AFTER you were involved with someone else( you were upfront- you told me you were in love with her and you weren't lookin' for anything serious)but..... we share an undeniable attraction......Are you willing to risk it all to steal a few moments here and there? It has to be your choice since I have nothing to loose. Whatever you chose, I'll respect your choice without reservation.
If I have anything to say about the matter.... I would like to say... you deserve to have your cake and eat it too!!! What good is having cake if you can't eat it?!

Seriously, man - WHAT GOOD IS HAVING CAKE IF YOU CAN'T EAT IT?! Make up your mind already! Are you going to keep sleeping around behind your girlfriend's back with the vibrating piano chick … or are you not? After all, she's got nothing to "loose." The choice is yours. But I reiterate … WHAT GOOD IS A PIECE OF MOTHERFUCKING CAKE IF YOU DON'T DIVE INTO IT WITH THE WILD ABANDON OF HILLARY DUFF IF HER HANDLERS ACTUALLY LET HER EAT?!

I gotta go. Ain't love grand? (It's like the bittersweet tales of great jazz music).

 

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.