|WEEK IN CRAIG: A SPECIAL LITTLE "I WUV YOU" TO MY POOKY BEAR.|
I know that you're all expecting a very spooooooooky Week In Craig today in honor of Halloween but I thought better of it (that was like so 2004!). This week, instead of ghosts and goblins, I'm going to write about something really REALLY scary no, not back-to-back Red Sox/White Sox World Series victories (apocalypse, anyone?) no, not Hillary Duff's gigantic new face no, this week I'm talking about the scariest thing of all Luv (sigh).
You see, this Sunday is my anniversary with my Honey Bunny (awwww!). So, as a special little "I wuv u!" to my Pooky Bear, I have decided to remind him why I'm the GREATEST girlfriend EVER by pointing out other people who suck! (Confidential to Monkey Face: Not only am I not as crazy as these psychos, but you can totally touch my fun bags later!).
Happy anniversary to me! Whoopee! Hoorah!
What can I say? I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.
Here's to love. Or whatever.
this is for us. the us that I have created. the us that I have carried with me since I first laid eyes on you. I thought my "him" was you. I still do. the "him" that I thought was my "one." the us that I will be leaving shortly. there are so many things that I would like to whisper before my mind's departure but I don't think you would understand. understand my truth. the truth that rolls off my tongue without a voice. my voice. the truth that I have been hoping that I would find. the truth that I have wanted to shout since the beginning. I am standing right here. wishing that this could be the day that you will turn to me without any doubt. I will miss you. especially you. you will always be my lovely and amazing.
Hey kids, let's play a game called Ninth Grade Poetry Teacher! How many examples of poetic poop can we find in one ad?
you married her.
and i'll never stop loving you this way.
This would be tragic, except it's a freaking craigslist ad! Are you trying to elicit anonymous sympathy emails from the Craigslist Loney Hearts Gang? Sadly, I bet it worked. Astonishingly well.
So... I like you. And based on things you've said, I think you like
me...but you know what?----and this is just writing it as I'm feeling
it, as it's happening, just gave me a pause.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to point your attention to the fact that the writer of this post is 32. That's right. Not 12. 32.
All I can say is wow. I bet she enjoys making slam books and playing M.A.S.H. in her spare time as well. (God, I miss middle school sometimes).
And speaking of missing things
Ive dropped enough hints and messages here, you know where I am tonight I wish you were here, Im empty and lonely without you. I fucked up I know J
This place isnt the same without you, I feel like im cheating on you, my fucking pride wouldnt let me pick up the phone instead to leave you messages here and I know your reading them, Im tortured
Oh, lord, tortured shmortured. Best part about this ad? "This place isn't the same without you, I feel like im cheating on you."
This place? As in Craigslist? Ha! Oh god, that's so funny, it's sad.
How I feel about you is too tremendous for words. Its like the bitter sweet tales of great jazz music: thick dripping visions of love affairs. The piano vibrates in me.
We've both done things we never thought we would. I for one would
do evrey single one of those things and more, for just a chance to be
Seriously, man - WHAT GOOD IS HAVING CAKE IF YOU CAN'T EAT IT?! Make up your mind already! Are you going to keep sleeping around behind your girlfriend's back with the vibrating piano chick or are you not? After all, she's got nothing to "loose." The choice is yours. But I reiterate WHAT GOOD IS A PIECE OF MOTHERFUCKING CAKE IF YOU DON'T DIVE INTO IT WITH THE WILD ABANDON OF HILLARY DUFF IF HER HANDLERS ACTUALLY LET HER EAT?!
I gotta go. Ain't love grand? (It's like the bittersweet tales of great jazz music).