|WEEK IN CRAIG: MY TOP 10 FAVORITE AND MEMORABLE ALL-TIME STUPIDEST POSTINGS EVER.|
|I showed up at my high school graduation stoned, with my hair in braids, wearing Birkenstocks and blue John Lennon sunglasses (I can't believe I just admitted that). Even stupider, I walked across the|
|stage at my college graduation wearing a fur coat and carrying a bottle of champagne. I looked like a goddamned hooker. Which is to say, I've never been good with ceremony (and I've always made my mother proud). And so,||
Amy Blair lives on! In 2006, her column moved from The Black Table over to Animal New York, so check her out over there, yo!
| here at The End of Things
on the blacktable, indulge me for a moment and picture me wearing some sort
of clown costume or gorilla suit as you read this farewell Week In Craig.
Better yet, picture me in a scuba suit and a gimp ball. No wait! I've got
it. Imagine that I'm wearing Ugg boots, one of those flouncy, gypsy skirts
and a fashion mullet.
I'll just feel better that way.
Without further sentimental gurgling, I leave you with my parting gift to this site Amy Blair's Top Ten Favorite and Most Memorable All-Time Most Stupidest Craigslist Postings Ever!!!! Enjoy.
Star Wars missed connection. May the force bring us back - m4w - 24
It was the 12:01 showing in UES Manhattan. You were the one with your hair in Leia buns. I was dressed as a Storm Trooper. I went to get some popcorn about T- 30 minutes to the movie's commencement. You stood in line ahead of me and bought a large Diet Coke and Jr. Mints. You said "May the force be with you" to the cashier and as you turned around you grazed the outer casing of my forearm plate. I said, "Pathetic rebel scum" and you smiled back. I'd really like to talk you about my plans for world domination. Or maybe get a cup of coffee sometime.
I Need to Chemically Castrate a Man Without him Knowing It (Horror chambers)
I have a guy who wants to be my slave and this is what he wants. To be castrated but not surgically. How do you do this? Any (mad) scientists in the house?
That one time on my Balcony
Won't say what city this was, but the day after my wedding, the night
before leaving for 2 weeks to Kauai I was throwing out what ever would
have spoiled in the fridge.
womens meditation and spiritual warrior circle
I am looking for a group of women to join me for weekly meditation,
spiritual book discussion, writing and rituals to incite connection to
FEMALE HUMANOID NEEDED FOR PON FARR ASAP - m4w
If I don't get relief soon it may be fatal. It's backing up into my
ears and I'm starting to look like a Vulcan. Earthling, Vulcan, Klingon,
Romulan or even Farengi feamle wanted to help this sbm, 5'10", 195#,
medium build, brown skined humanoid uncloak and fire off some proton torpedoes,
before he implodes.
we pick, you get picked
PiCKerS of the WoRLd UniTE~
you know who you are. this is a posting for a barter of sorts. we
pick. you get picked. it works out for everyone. pickers... you can't
pass a mirror without resisting the urge. you might even sneak into the
bathroom while at work~ kill some time, draw faces into the wallpaper
patterns, and... pick! you pick when you're at your friends'
Valentine's Day Massacres (many)
Valentine Day really sucks! I am remember being a fat unloved dorky
kid, I would hand out dozens of Valentine's and never get one in return.
So from a young age, I realized that giving love to others DOES NOT equate
into getting love in return. So probably by age 10 I had no use for this
useless holiday created by Madison Ave along with the florists and greeting
card companies. Although now with the greedy women of this world, the
jewelers have been brought into the loop! Jewelry is a MUST in order to
show your love (roses aren't good enough anymore)
Tie a note on a ribbon and attach it to a kitten - 30
--and then send the kitten off to me. Smoky gray, a curling tail,
and a low purr, please. I'll feed it dinner, nuzzle its head, and question
it about you: do you nap? Do you stretch languidly or quickly, does it
curls up alongside your back or at your feet? Do you murmur inconsequential
details and laugh suddenly for no reason?
I was horny earlier but I ate too much schwarma - 44
Its 9:49pm. I'm alone in my apartment with lots of beer. Ordinarily,
it would've been a good time to try to get some sex with some hot young
white guy with a big dick but dammit......I ate too much schwarma and
now my tummy is too full and its starting to hurt.
And now finally
Without further ado
My all-time favorite craigslist ad
Drum roll please
Dress like a bunny, poke a carrot in my butt - w4 - 26 (Garland Area) - w4 - 26
I have it all; a running car with a sunroof, a new laptop, an apartment
with hardwood floors, and a job that makes me happy. But I'm missing one
thing. I've always wanted someone to dress like a bunny and stick a carrot
People, you just can't make this shit up.
Lindsay was at the start of this thing, and she will always be the best. Incidentally she gives an excellent breast massage. Erika saved my ass in so many ways, so many times, and she never complained once when I tried to sell her on the internet. Arie cyber-stalked me, and I fell in L-U-V. Will, A.J., Eric and Aileen? Let's do this again, sometime. But with more Custard Stand next time.
Goodbye, blacktable. See
y'all around the block on February 17. Until then, eff all you pancake