|IS IT YOUR FANTASY? OR IS IT YOUR BOSS?|
|By Will Leitch & Eric Gillin||
The madness started when the email cheerfully plinked into our inbox about a month ago. It was inspired by our Craigs List column, which, as you might know, has developed a significant following.
"I thought I wanted a bit of anonymous fun. Y'know... sexually. So, I did the unthinkable and posted to Craiglist in the Casual Encounters section. I wanted to hear from all kinds of guys so I included a few spelling/grammar mistakes and dumbed it down a bit. And of course, I made my boobs bigger, myself taller and thinner and a tad younger than in reality. I was sure it wouldn't matter since I'm pretty good looking. It felt good to look at my ad and see myself advertised as a 21-year-old who was five-foot-five, 110 pounds and a 38C! One guy actually wrote and told me that was impossible. He's right, of course, but he was the only one who thought that sounded fishy!"
It was from a reader, bored at work, in need of a little entertainment. But in searching for something to make the time pass, the underside
of the rock had been overturned. And there sat the worms, wriggling in the horrible daylight, exposed to the world.
"Suffice to say, after soliciting for "boob-sex" following a game of strip checkers at my place, my little inbox was forcefully violated!" the note continued. "I posted around 5:15 p.m. and in the first hour I got 100 e-mails. Soon my box was full, with 5 Meg of photos from over 150 guys."
And this reader wanted The Black Table to have the login and password for the account, filled to the brim with scores and scores of responses from people duped into thinking sex, not voyeurism, was
on the other end of that message. By and large, Internet users remain shockingly naïve and exhibitionist simultaneously, willing to share photos and intimate details with a total stranger, performing a delicate striptease with their anonymity.
Perhaps this and this alone, was the turn-on. But as we entered the looking glass and saw what happens when you're sitting on the receiving end, we prayed for the numbness to overtake us. The anonymous underbelly of the Internet is like Sodom and Gomorrah.
The people who responded to these ads were regular people, bored at their day jobs, answering an Internet ad. But the lengths people will go to! The willingness to put their entire lives (personal information, pictures, even home phone numbers) in an email sent to an anonymous stranger was staggering. One picture, one wrong forward, one anything, and lives could be ruined, marriages ended, jobs lost. But in a split second, on Craigs List, such consequences were careless, gleefully ignored. All for a fake ad for breast sex.
Hopeful foreigners offered gifts of wine.
"I am a French male, 5"11, and in good shape, I attached pictures of myself to this email, please let me know if interested. I actually have Thursday and Friday off from work this week, so I'll be available in the afternoon to play. I perfectly understand as you ask you don't want to be forced to anything, and that there will be no sex, just coming on your boobs :) Which is exciting and perfectly fine/fun with me. I'd be willing to come and bring a bottle of wine if you are interested, it is a white wine I have and I love called Icewine, very sweet, delicious, liquorish wine, the one I prefer."
Married men give out their cell phone numbers, but not their pictures -- because of the risk.
"Hi BreastBaby, Saw your add and it seems legit but one never knows. I am a Married man interested in a one night stand. Obviously discreetness is of utmost importance and have to be D&D free. That is why I LIKED your posting for tity fuck. I am 5-6", Italian and Indian, exotic look, dark hair, brown eyes, 8inches big, large cum loads if that matters. I have never done this and my blood is racing and getting a bit firm thinking of the possibility. I DO NOT want to send you a pic just yet because of the RISKS. So if you are really interested and serious and for real, call me on my cell XXX-XXX-XXXX. We can then move forward. Trust me - you wont be disappointed as I am sure I won't either. Ciao"
This retiree, perhaps because of his advanced age, or the fact he shaves his dick and balls, thought it wise to send a picture.
"I would love to get together and play naked! I think we can have a lot of fun and experience a lot of pleasure together. I have attached a pic. I am very open minded and very gentile, friendly, and playful :-) My turn-ons are sexy gentle oil massages, playing naked with the lights on, oral (giving/receiving), 69, AND showers/baths. I love your idea of playing a fun strip game to get each other turned on and then sliding my dick in between your large beautiful boobs while you make yourself cum. That sounds so exciting to me. I have been looking for someone just like you who wants to aviod the risks of intercourse but still have all the pleasure. And I shave my dick and balls so everything is nice and smooth and will feel so much better for you and for me! I am 100% disease free, very patient and very thorough. I want to give you head spinning toe curling breath taking knee weakening clit throbbing nipple hardening tree toppling building shaking earth moving car tipping hydrant exploding OMFG put a towel between her legs shes dripping kisses all over your body! Doesn't that sound like fun?"
The logistics of lubrication were deeply probed and debated.
"I love breasts, and the fact is, I have a fantasy about an "adventure", but like you, would want to be safe. The only thing I would ask is if it would be alright if I used some sort of lubrication, because otherwise it might not work so well going between your chest, and the few times I have had a lubricated boob job, it has been amazing."
Doctors offered to violate patient confidentiality agreements, if only to have a short tryst between shifts.
"im a cute trained doctor with a sleek athletic build. i was a track star in college and still keep in good shape. very clean, always use protection (i AM a doc afterall!) anyways, busy at work and looking for a safe, discreet encounter. ever fantasize about a cute young plastic surgeon titty-fucking you? ill tell you some of my naughty secrets with 1 or 2 of my patients when we meet."
Some used braggadocio and wit to set themselves apart from the other goons who were anonymously emailing in search of boob sex.
"Hello there . . . I just read your ad on Craig's List, and I wanted to respond immediately because we're the perfect match. I'm sure you're being flooded with offers (inundated with innuendo?), but I do hope you get a chance to consider me . . . "Boob sex" as you call it has been my fantasy for a while, since I last dated this spicy vixen who wouldn't have regular sex but loved to finger herself while I . . . ahem . . . titty fucked her. I'm also free during the day, since I'm a TV writer (a successful one!). I'm a soccer-playing pretty boy (long, long eyelashes; I look exactly like Chris Klein with David Beckham's body), so if that's the type of guy you're into physically (i.e., you're not very attracted to "The Rock"), then I'm your man. More about me . . . I just turned 28, live in the Village, and I'm a smart, fun conversationalist (I never say "between you and I").
God, I'm sure you're getting tons of offers from just total goons, but I'm the real deal and would so love to meet you. We share the same fantasy, I'm free during the day . . . and believe it or not, I'm a sweet guy, not some annoying, sordid tool . . . I really hope we get a chance to meet!"
People emailed in from their work accounts and fired off links to their profiles on company sites.
"(from bank email address) In reference to your posting, attached please find the requested information. I will be in New York next week and would love to meet up on Tuesday or Wednesday of you are interested. Please keep language and tone professional if/when you reply to this message as I get in trouble for using bad language, etc."
In the end, the reader's post opened the gateway to hundreds upon hundreds of responses. Two men sent in photos of their penises, while another offered $100 cash. Married, old, young, hip -- they all wrote in, looking for an experience that's a fantasy in the truest sense of the word.
And as we slunk through all the emails, feeling dirty and nasty and in dire need of spiritual cleansing, it occurred to us: Why in the world would people possibly do this? The notion that somehow email is a private activity has long since been demolished, right? Yet people put their entire lives, their livelihood, everything theyve acquired, and just ship it to an anonymous and supposedly safe email address.
It's so safe that The Black Table ended up with every picture and every embarrassing email from each of these guys. And for what? For the slim chance of a random sexual encounter?
The Web thrives on the ideas that all is anonymous and safe. That communities that spring up will be ordered and secure and that everything is as it appears to be. But it's not. Anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves, but perhaps that's the allure -- maybe we're so in love with the dreams posted online that thinking about offline realities is simply too much.
Be careful what you wish for, chances are you'll never get it.