|THE JIM McGREEVEY MULTIPLE CHOICE TEST.|
Jim McGreevey resigned as governor of New Jersey on Thursday because:
A.) He's a fag! "I am a gay American," McGreevey announced at a 4 p.m. press conference, standing next to his presumably straight, but definitely confused and probably pissed wife. This is reason enough to those who only like watching gay people on TV. But for the rest of us? Does McGreevey's gayness render him unfit to govern?
B.) He's a cheater! McGreevey had an affair ... with a dude! How Far From Heaven of him. Clinton cheated on his wife, but the one blowing him had breasts. Every man can understand that. But cheating on your wife with a Walter or a William? That's getting a little weird, buddy. A little creepy. And way too creepy for the voters to ever look at McGreevey the same way again.
C.) His whole life is a lie! Most gay people tend to know they're gay well before they're oh, 47 years old, the father of two children (one unfortunately named Morag) and the governor of New Jersey. Did McGreevey finally see the light during a "Queer Eye" marathon? Or has he just been that closeted? (Actually, the latter -- McGreevey said in his speech that since childhood he's had "a certain sense that separated me from others.") Either way, it's awful. Not only has McGreevey been, at his core, a miserable person for his entire adult life, but he had to drag his wife and daughters down with him. (And another wife; he's in his second marriage.) Now Morag has two daddies and no idea what the fuck is going on. Being gay is really hard. But living a lie must be harder. What a personal tragedy for McGreevey that he was unable to discern the difference.
D.) He was done anyway! A poll in early August showed that McGreevey's approval rating sank to 38 percent after fund-raising investigations revealed some embarrassing results. In early July, a McGreevey fund-raiser was charged with trying to extort $40,000 from a dairy farmer in exchange for good treatment from state officials. Conversations between the fund-raiser and McGreevey were secretly recorded indicating that the guv knew all about the cow tipping. A week later, Charles Kushner, also under investigation for McGreevey money gathering, was accused of hiring hookers to try to blackmail grand jury witnesses.
E.) He was going to be outed! A former aide (male) was about to sue McGreevey for sexual harassment. WABC-TV in New York reported that the aide was McGreevey's former security advisor. The aide resigned in 2002 after being hounded for having absolutely no experience in security at any time during his career in broadcast news and PR. But boy, was he a looker!
F.) All of the above. The fund-raising problems are bruisers, not deal-breakers. And being gay (even "Surprise, I'm gay!") is politically damaging, but also doesn't mean you have to resign. McGreevey's term was to expire in 2006, and it's unknown if he could survive another campaign even without being a closeted, gay adulterer who was likely involved with unethical fund-raising activities while being sued for sexual harassment. OK, it's not that unknown. But still, McGreevey must have thought he'd be forced out anyway. And it's always better to go out on your own terms. Always.