back to the Black Table



[The contestants file in and take their seats at the boardroom table, where Carolyn and George are waiting. Trump emerges from the darkness and sits down.]

Trump: You blew it, Grande Group. You did a rotten job.

I gave you a simple task. Come up with a brand name for a new line of jewelry. Show me an ad campaign for launching the brand.

And this is what you come up with? Seven Dwarfs Diamonds? Is that some kind of joke? I mean, "Dwarf Diamond" is like saying, "Hey everybody, I bought a cheap little rock!"

I don't get it. With all your experience in the diamond mining business, you had no excuse losing.

Doc: Sister Mump --

Trump: Shut up. I'm not finished.

TriCochon Corp., those guys came up with a real winner: Trump Diamonds. Now, that's classy. That's why TCC took the white Hummer limo down to Atlantic City last night. They got to enjoy the fabulous all-you-can-eat buffet at the Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino. Not you guys. You're losers.

[Close-up of Sleepy, shaking his head wearily]

But Seven Dwarfs Diamonds wasn't your only fiasco. You guys didn't even get to show me your ads. Somebody lost all the mock-ups and storyboards before your presentation.

So who goofed up with the storyboards? Happy, was it you?

Happy: No. But I'd be happy to tell you who I think it is.

Trump: So tell me.

Happy: Dopey's the obvious choice. It's hard for him to focus. Or maybe Doc. I figure he's in the early stages of Alzheimer's. He shows all the signs.

Trump: Dopey, was it you?

[Cut to Dopey, who is making silly faces while staring at his reflection in the polished surface of the boardroom table. Doc smacks Dopey on the side of his head. Everyone laughs.]

Grumpy: Let's stop wasting our time. Of course it was Dopey. It's always Dopey. We've been working around him for decades. Back in the mines, I'm busting my ass all day and Dopey is pulling [beeped out] like sticking diamonds in he eyes and pretending they're glasses.

Trump: Did you bring your concerns to Doc?

Grumpy: What was the point? Dopey's in Doc's camp. And Doc's management style is all top-down. He forced this whole Dwarf Diamonds thing down everyone's throat.

Trump: Is that true, Doc? What was the whole point of that ad campaign, anyway?

Doc: Police of kind -- meese of pined -- I mean, trust, Mr. Trump. Market reseach indicates the gating factor to big-ticket diamond purchases is the fear of getting ripped off. And "Seven Dwarfs" is trustworthy. It says authenticity. It says loyalty. Camaraderie. It says, "Join us, brother."

Grumpy: It says boring, is what it says. Do you know, Mr. Trump, what my idea was? The one that Doc shot down?

Trump: No, what was it?

Grumpy: Get this: Snow White Diamonds. I still think that was our best idea. First, it says quality. The "white" says clear, perfect, flawless. But on top of that, it says glamour. This diamond will make you a princess. You'll be a star in your own movie.

Trump: [nodding with approval] Not bad. Doc, what was your problem with "Snow White"?

Doc: [sighs] It didn't feel right to trade off her name. I mean,we do have this connection to her. But it's been 60 years since we last saw her. And even though she was with us for 6 months, she was only conscious for one night.

Trump: So which one did you like, Bashful? Seven Dwarfs or Snow White?


Trump: You're useless. Happy?

Happy: I would have been happy with either idea.

Trump: Dopey?

[Cut to Dopey, who is spinning his swivel chair around like a high-speed carousel. Grumpy grabs the chair's arm, bringing the chair to a sudden halt and sending Dopey flying through the air. He lands in George's lap. Dopey bats his eyes at George, who smacks him on the side of his head. Everyone laughs.]

Grumpy: Doc's problem isn't Snow White. His problem is he has no imagination. You know what his strategy is for increasing productivity at the diamond mine? He makes us sing, "Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig." Really. As if that's supposed to help.

For years I've been telling Doc to subcontract out the mining process. Then we could focus on real value-add functions. But he's got no vision. He's got no place in an organization like yours, Mr. Trump.

Doc: You know, I'm sick of Grumpy's negativity. He spent two days grumbling about how we made the wrong choice on the brand name. He exudes all this negative energy. That doesn't uplift the team.

Grumpy: All I was pointing out was that Doc failed to show leadership.

Doc: Well, I sidagree -- I mean, I sit a tree -- I mean, he's wrong. I think I demonstrated excellent CEO leadership quality. And I think that Grumpy doesn't value my resource management. A good leader assesses his team and assigns them jobs for which they have the appropriate skill set.

Obviously, Dopey couldn't contribute as a copywriter or art director, so I put him in charge of the supply chain.

I also thought delivering the ad mockups was simple enough for Dopey to handle.

Trump: Well, you should have watched him more closely.

Okay, Doc. Since you were project manager, I hold you partially responsible for Grande Group's performance. Now, pick two other people you think contributed to your failure.

Doc: Well, Dopey, I guess, since he lost the ads. And Grumpy, for undermining my leadership.

Grumpy: Doc is just threatened by my productivity. He feels threatened by my ideas. That's disappointing leadership.

Trump: I'll be the judge of that.

Doc, Grumpy and Dopey, you guys wait outside, and we'll call you back in when you're ready. The rest of you, go back to the suite.

[The contestants file out. Doc and Grumpy sit on opposite sides of the couch in the waiting room. Dopey, sitting between them, tries to scratch an itch in the middle of his back. He wriggles and contorts himself trying to reach it. Grumpy smacks him on the side of his head. No one laughs.]

[Inside the boardroom, Trump is talking with Carolyn and George.]

Trump: Doc is right. A good leader has to delegate well. After all, I don't deal blackjack at the Trump Taj Mahal Casino Resort. I don't operate the elevator at the Trump International Hotel and Tower.

Carolyn: Nor do you devise names for our real estate projects. You leave that to other folks at the Trump Organization.

Trump: Exactly. On the other hand, Doc knew Dopey was an underperformer. But he didn't oversee him on a crucial task. That's a serious lapse.

Grumpy? He's too negative.

Dopey screwed up, but we all do sometimes. And he's got a spark to him.

George: It's a tough decision.

Trump: Yes, it is. [Leans toward intercom] Robin, send them in.

[Cut to the waiting room]

Robin: All right. You can go in and see Mr. Trump now.

[Doc, Dopey and Grumpy go back into the boardroom.]

Trump: Doc, you screwed up. Your leadership quality is in question. You came up with a lousy name. And you managed Dopey poorly.

Doc: Yes.

Trump: But Grumpy, you messed up too. If you had concerns about Dopey, you should have brought them to Doc. And once the team went with Seven Dwarfs Diamonds, you should have shut up and quit complaining. You're not a team player.

On the other hand, you don't care what people think about you. I can respect that. And that's useful CEO quality.

[Grumpy nods.]

Which brings me to you, Dopey. You made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes. I can live with that.

But then people started blaming you for Grande Group's failure. So what did you do? Nothing. You said nothing. You didn't fight back.

I hate that -- a person who doesn't stand up for himself. I can't stand that kind of weakness. So, Dopey, you're fired.

[Close up of Dopey, momentarily crestfallen. Then he cheerfully scurries over to Carolyn, closes his eyes, and puckers up for a big good-bye kiss. Carolyn smacks him on the side of his head. She, George and Trump laugh.]

[Doc and Grumpy wheel their suitcases out to take an elevator back up to the suite. Dopey drags a duffel bag into the down elevator. Outside of Trump Tower, he gets into the back of a waiting taxi.]

Trump: [voice over] Dopey's funny and all, but he's just not a winner.

[While the closing credits roll, we watch Dopey sitting in the back of the taxicab as it races through the streets of Manhattan. The taxi stops short at a red light; Dopey, who is not wearing a seatbelt, flies out of his seat and smacks his head against the plexiglas partition behind the front seat. We laugh.]