|WHY GANGSTA RAPPERS NEED TO TAKE A NAPPERS.|
|By Daniel Maurer||
|Ever since Ice T dropped what may
have been the first gangsta rap, "6'n The Morning," folks have
wondered how to get the violence out of hip hop -- right up to Hillary Clinton
recently proposing strictly enforced across-the-board entertainment ratings.
Rappers plead that they're merely representing the realities of institutionalized
poverty (George Bush doesn't care about black people, blah blah blah) but
any doctor can tell you where the crankiness really comes from: these guys
just aren't catching enough ZZZs.
Take the aforementioned song: What's Ice T doing up til six in the morning anyway? It's not a mystery why he ends up "beating [a] bitch down in the goddamn street" simply because "the ho continued
to speak." Whoa buddy! Maybe after your 4 a.m. visit to the Palladium you should've boosted those serotonin levels with a refreshing cat nap.
According to the web site sleep-depravation.com:
"Without sufficient rest, emotional mood deteriorates. People become irritable and short-tempered, both with themselves and others. Loss of emotional control is possible, leading to emotional outbursts and even violence."
Or as the Ghetto Boyz put it more succinctly: "real gangsta ass niggas don't sleep." On "Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta," the Boyz bragged about being up 356 days, 24/7 (they must've been sucking down Sour Patch Kids like crazy), but by the album's next track, "Mind's Playing Tricks on Me" the sugar high is gone:
At night I can't sleep
Holy cow! Somebody get this guy some Celestial Seasonings before some serious stuff goes down.
In "Night of the Living Baseheads," Public Enemy scolded crackheads
for staying up past their bedtime, but these days, 4:30am comes and goes
like so much bub-in-da-club. In "Gin N Juice," Snoop Dogg had
"bitches in the living room" 'til six in the morning, which
sounds like fun until the hangover: on the next track it's 1-8-7 on an
undercover cop. Next time, Snoop, retire from the bitch-filled living
room at a reasonable hour, tuck yourself into bed with an issue of the
New Yorker and some warm chai, and I promise that "shooting
like a muthafuckin' Vietnam vet" will be the last thing on your mind
when you wake up feeling like a million bucks.
We beg, beseech and implore the following rappers to stop getting it on and on and on until the breaka breaka dawn and hit the hay for a little of the ol' shut eye. Shhh, babygotosleepnow.
Morning" and Avant's, um, "Six in the Morning," and in
others by Nick Cannon, 2Pac, and Jay-Z, it's never over 'til six in the
a.m., the hour at which everyone's Escalades presumably turn into pumpkins.
When Christina Aguilera went hip hop, she bragged of being up 'til then
in one song and then, in another, one-upped the entire hip hop community
by keeping it popping til eight a.m. While she has never sung about killing
anyone, I'm pretty sure her dog's feelings were hurt when it didn't get
fed or walked that night. In any case, whether it's six or eight in the
morning (or 66 days without seeing the sun as in Dre's "Natural Born
Killaz"), it's easy to see why everyone knew LL Cool J had gone soft
when he bragged on his comeback album of staying out 'til a school-girlish
1 a.m. in a track titled, what else, "1 in the Morning."