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    SCENES FROM THE FOX NEWS SHUT UP A-THON.    
    Rachel Sklar            
   
   
   

On Tuesday, about 1,000 protesters gathered outside the Fox Studios on Sixth Avenue to hold the “Fox News Shut Up A-Thon.” Like a Mardi Gras for anarchists, they came in silly costumes, yelled at suit-wearing passersby and took turns beating up a three-foot tall effigy of Bill O'Reilly. Police in riot gear were on hand to control the crowd, making the occasional arrest, and we were on hand with our digital camera making the occasional picture.

 

   
   


Three years ago, Gary walked across a podium to accept dual degrees in philosophy and geography and simply kept on going, walking across Europe, South America, Asia and Africa. But when he hit that barricade, stopping his 34,548 mile journey, a sudden realization hit him: Gary really wanted to dance in rap videos for money.

 

   
"On this very night, ten years ago, along this very stretch of road in a dense crowd just like this. I saw the worst protest I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building... And when they pulled the protester's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this..."
   
   


Alright, man, the way it works is you call the number and leave your digits. When they call back, tell them "Eddie sent you" and order two tickets to the "magic show." It's totally killer shit, man. It's completely purple, grown in cat feces and comes from Guam.

 

   
Sure, Andre was surrounded by half-naked protesters wielding switchblades, pitchforks and lit torches, but he just knew that when the shit truly hit the fan he was totally, utterly fucked.
   
   
The Discovery Channel? Not so bad, actually.
   


Larry was totally psyched about the protests. He was making time-and-a-half, some girl just flashed him and there was absolutely nothing to do but pose for photos. Barry, on the other hand, just wanted to crack some fuckin' skulls already.

 

   
   


At lunch. Jim's wife of 15 years handed him divorce papers. And now, 300,000 people were totally surrounding his Kia, making it impossible for him to go home to the house he'd lose six months later.

 

   
"Hey, with all these people around, no one's gonna notice if we blow off work and go to Wiggles in Rego Park. They have a special 'moustache' discount on Tuesdays."
   
   
Viktor knew exactly six words in English: Yes, no, cheeseburger, hello, goodbye, and blow job. And the strange woman in front of him had just said that last one.
         
   


Want More?

DAY 5: NOW IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE, TO ALL OUR COMPANY...

DAY 4: EVERY NIGHT SHE JUST CAN'T STOP,
I SAID NEW YORK CITY COPS... NEW YORK CITY COPS...

DAY 3: SCENES FROM THE FOX NEWS SHUT UP A-THON.

DAY 2: THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE WEIRD! GET USED TO IT!

DAY 1: WELCOME TO NEW YORK CITY, PLEASE GO HOME NOW.

 


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