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    EVERY NIGHT SHE JUST CAN'T STOP, I SAID NEW YORK CITY COPS... NEW YORK CITY COPS...    
    Rachel Williams            
   
   
   

The initial salvo of protest that welcomed the Republicans was like a cuddly basket of puppies, with the cops making smoochy woochy faces and patting political dissenters on the heads. But like a basket of animals that constantly needs to be fed and walked and played with, the cops became annoyed with the endless prospect of wrangling thousands and thousands of people holding wooden signs. As of Thursday, the protests got a bit more heated and more than 1,000 people have been arrested. Granted, we didn't take pictures of policemen in RoboCop mode, but we did take pictures of New York's Finest doing other policey things.

 

   
   


At first, the Die-In was peaceful, tranquil even. But then, someone began blaring Barry White and a giant-sized "cuddle party" broke out, the political statement took a little time out and everyone got their snuggle on.

 

   
Needless to say, Luke and John's two-person, two-sign protest went over like Klansmen at Freaknic.
   
   


By his very nature, a great many things were apt to make Bobo sad. The "Ernest" movies and explotative reality TV series pitting dwarves against endangered animals topped the list, but bicycle police were a close third.

 

   
Sure, Garry was on duty, but the guys back at the precinct would never believe how flexible that freaky handcuffed protester chick was unless he had video of it.
   
   


The rest of the neighborhood may have been filled with screaming vegan warriors and people chaining themselves to parking meters, but no one was gonna fuck with their fifteen square feet of asphault.

 

   


"Look, I know you've got a blue shirt on, okay, but we've gotta go over here to hit some skinny teenagers with our nightsticks and load them on a bus and you can't come with us. For the last time, you're not a cop -- you're a tourist."

 

   
   
Reginald X. Hornswaggle was worth $999,999,990. But no matter how nicely he asked, none of the other billionaires would lend him $10 -- they'd let him hang around to take all these fucking photos. Yeah, they'd let him do that.
   
Sure, other guys were a little more logical in their viewpoints, but Bob came from the "fuck it" school of political theory and Bob wasn't paying a damned thing until the CIA started debriefing Bob, too.
   
               
   

 

Want More?

DAY 5: NOW IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE, TO ALL OUR COMPANY...

DAY 4: EVERY NIGHT SHE JUST CAN'T STOP,
I SAID NEW YORK CITY COPS... NEW YORK CITY COPS...

DAY 3: SCENES FROM THE FOX NEWS SHUT UP A-THON.

DAY 2: THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE WEIRD! GET USED TO IT!

DAY 1: WELCOME TO NEW YORK CITY, PLEASE GO HOME NOW.

 


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