|THE WEEK IN CRAIG!|
|By Lindsay Robertson||
Craig's List is an online free bulletin board where anyone can post classified ads of nearly any kind. There are Craig's Lists, or CL's, for most large cities, featuring helpful ads for things like housing, jobs, items for sale, personals and, most entertainingly, Missed Connections and Casual Encounters.
These last two, despite their ostensibly practical purposes, have devolved into a free-for-all where rumors are spread, bad poetry is written, battles are won and lost, and hearts are broken, all for our entertainment. The Week In Craig is your guide to the most fascinating accidental literary magazine on the web.
This week on the list, Dry Humping, scary poetry, Geek Love and introducing The Short Shorts Guy!
In a post that will surely be familiar to female commuters, Dry Humping on the 4/5 (rush hour) describes his eventful morning:
Train was full and everyone was squeezing close together. I was the guy behind you when you pressed your ass tightly against me. I got a hard on right away and tried to move with the motion of the train to hump you. I noticed you didn't mind and kept pressing your ass back at me. It only lasted until the next stop when some people got off and we would now be seen if we made contact.
I enjoyed it and want to do it again, are you up for it? I know I am.
Notice how he acts as if he's the first person ever to do this on a crowded train. But it seems his partner in this encounter saw things differently.
Oh? Which one?...Yeah you fucking rapeist (sic) ..Like I had a choice.
I was moving against you trying to get away from the rapeist (sic) in
front of me, shoving his depraved desperate excuse for a cock into my
You creepy fuck. next time, I'll make sure you never do it to another woman. I deal with you desperate fucks every day on the subway. Stealing a feel.
Your time has come you bastard, that goes for the rest of you
I have a plan women... how to prevent this. Guess what boys?... you will get the "POINT"!!!
I would call him a frotteurist, and I would spell it right. And what is this plan? Spiky belts?
BYRON AND KEATS, WATCH YOUR BACKS!
This guy was all over the board this week. Crazy poets, unite!
let me be your overLORD and REX your heart with FEAR!
I saw you leaving Urbana Poetry Slam Club yesterday still in your mom's uterus. Perhaps it's a woman with an umbilical cord, or the fact that I'm a virgin, but you were sexy. Damn sexy. Your dog wasn't half-bad either. Check me out and drop me a line if you think I'm damn sexy too. I will sing you a freestyle rap and then eat a tub of Cool Whip while you watch.
Next, the Overlord rexes our hearts with fear of his poetry (and his obsession with ABC sitcoms starring the Savage brothers).
I want you to be the Topanga to my Corey, the Winnie Cooper to my Kevin. I want to slam you, both physically and with my incredibly weak poetry:
Yabba, Scabba, Spoo, The kitty throws up the gruel
It goes on and on and on and on and on, before mercifully ending with the touching line:
'Cause you'll end up dead, you fucking bitch!!
On second thought, maybe I don't want to make fun of this guy. Overlord, I'm your biggest fan! I just don't want any trouble.
He Wears Short Shorts. Barely.
The Missed Connections board has another new personality - The Short Shorts Guy. It started with this post:
Public Exhibitionist Outdoors/Home Nudist Indoors ISO Voyeur Friend(s):
(Editor's Note: There's some full-frontal male nudity, so watch your back if you're at work, and then DIVE RIGHT IN!)
I'm boyish-37, 5' 9, 160, cleancut/shaven, very open-minded with a good sense of humor & I'm a single casual exhibitionist seriously seeking new single FRIEND(S) to hangout & have fun with both indoors & out during most to all weekends - long walks outdoors around places like Central Park, Village, etc. &/or hanging-out & having fun indoors while I casually wear the following:
I just recently bought 20 pairs of Onionskins nylon running-shorts to casually wear outdoors in public starting around March...CFNM = Clothed Friend / Nude Male relationship/lifestyle, which means the male must always casually be naked at all times when indoors, but whenever the Friend is dressed, the male must still always casually remain naked whenever indoors. - all casual voyeurs welcome -
Later in the week, Short Shorts Guy was recognized by a
I just saw a guy on the Subway wearing running short-shorts!
I was with 4 of my (female) friends & we were shocked because
when he was standing & walking, we were able to see alot peeking-out
from both the front & back, including when he sat down wooohooo!!!
Also in Missed Connections this week:
Who's Your Dungeon Master?
I'm A Geek, You're a Geek, Let's Have Hot Geek Sex! must have paid someone to hold his place in line for Episode 3 so he could write this:
Where are all the hot dorky girls? Yes, this is a re-post, guilty
as charged! Let's do it like Han and Leia, or Aragorn and Arwen.
You think "Crack of Doom" will catch on?
The Sweet Innocence Of It All confuses the heck out of us with her odd post/picture combo:
I may be fat and ugly and full of zits but I am real and real horny! As I see the postings of really desperate and lonely men here, I knew I came to the right place. I have nothing to offer except my body! I already sold my soul a long time ago!
But hey, if you want a photo, here's one. Maybe your desperation have blinded you also and you may find me cute. After all, my mom used to call me "angel", so there, I gotz potential.
Wait, so this was posted by someone who hates the girl in the picture and wants revenge? Or it really is a very old picture? The frustrating confusion of it all!