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  SHAVE YOUR BALLS! AND 4 OTHER WAYS TO DRIVE YOUR LADY WILD!  
   
   
   
   
 

Blame Cupid. Blame Hallmark. Blame love. But on Valentine's Day, you've got to get her some sizzling gift that will reignite the fires of romance. Fifty years ago, a box of chocolates and flowers did the trick, but times have changed. To get the inside scoop on how to drive your lady WILD, read on:


SHAVE YOUR BALLS.

With a little snip-snip here and a snip-snip there, you can transform that tangled undergrowth into a pristine fairway that'll get you both counting the strokes. Sure, the last thing you ever think you want to put near the old wobblies is a razor, but it's far safer than you think and she'll get a real charge out of it.

"The first time, I did it as a joke," said Ed, 27. "But she dug it. And it made my dick look a whole lot bigger."

The fine folks at PubicShave.com explain, in great detail, how to avoid skinning your grapes. First-timers should start with a beard trimmer, while the bold can try the razor route. (The Mach 3 Turbo, $8, from Gillette, is a best bet.)

There's nothing wrong with keeping Mr. Johnson in a stylish goatee. After all, isn't that how you want her to look?


CLEAN THE BATHROOM.

Face it: You could knit a sweater with the pubic hair in your bathroom.

Splashing some water around the sink and keeping a flower-scented spray within reach of the toilet just won't cut it anymore. Ladies dread having to negotiate around coagulated shaving cream, yellow Q-tips, and scum-encrusted shaving kits just to wash their face.

Luckily, this helpful link can show you how to make your germ terrarium into a pristine, manicured restroom fit for a king -- or in this case, queen -- just in time for Valentine's Day. A big can of Dow's Scrubbing Bubbles and a new scrubby sponge should do the trick -- but pick up a square box of Kleenex and a candle if you want really to say "I love you."

"When I saw he cleaned the bathroom, he didn't have to ask me to spend the night," said Lana, 21. "I already knew."


HER NECK, HER BACK.


When it comes to exploring the female form, most guys have the three N's -- nipples, neck and nay-nay -- down pat. But over her vast landscape of terrain are some pleasurable nooks and crannies that you've most likely overlooked.

"My big spot is my collarbone. He likes my neck -- and my breasts -- but he never seems to stop enough between the two places," said Amy, 22.

So, do her a favor and find out her other "hot spots" before you spend the night with your Valentine sweetheart. And don't be afraid to really explore -- some women love having their toes, kneecaps, or even their elbows get into the action.

By servicing her other erogenous zones it'll prolong the foreplay and make her feel that you're lovin' her entire body and not just going through the motions so you can ejaculate. "One night, we were, uh, fooling around," whispers Tammy, 19. "And he licked the back of my knee gently and I went nuts."


CHANGE YOUR SHEETS.

Jennifer Lopez won't let Ben on her block without 250-thread count sheets on the bed. And for good reason. The higher the thread count you have on your sheets, the hotter the action will be between them.

"I made my boyfriend switch after we graduated college," said Lauren, 24. "Now anything else is just too uncomfortable."

Your mission: Buy the sheets with the highest thread count you can find, since the more threads you have, the softer the fabric will be. (It's the difference between a cable-knit sweater and silk.) Find sheets over 180-count, in 100% cotton, in a solid color. Don't get fancy.

Now, we all can't keep it real like J.Lo and spend thousands on our sheets. But for lower-priced luxury this Valentine's Day, try the cotton sheets from Grand Patrician -- a whopping 310-thread count -- priced between $30 and $60.

Don't plan on leaving the bedroom 'til Easter.


FOR FUCK'S SAKE, CUDDLE.

If David Blaine can stand on a 22-inch circular platform for two days without any food or water or sleep or rest, then you can lie there and let her snuggle without swatting her away in the middle of the night.

Okay, so spooning, despite the erotic sounding name, is a raw deal. You're not having sex. Your arm is the only part of your body that's asleep. And she's wrapped around you like a boa. But for her, it's an entirely different ballgame.

"There's just something so sweet about having my big man there in the middle of the night," said Jackie, 21. "But he likes to sleep the other way."

Few products on the market can magically turn non-cuddlers into teddy bears, but we find that two Tylenol PM will knock you out enough so you're not cranky in the morning. Just be careful, you won't be able to operate your heavy equipment when you're on that stuff.


*BT*